Two Sides of Me
by Shapeshifter89
Summary: An innocent Breton girl, was at the wrong place at the wrong time. She desperately wants to be a good person, but something strange inside her threatens to overthrow her sanity. What is inside her? Who is she becoming? (eventually a Cicero pairing)
1. It Begins

**A/N: Hey guys a new Skyrim fanfic this one longer! I'm gonna try first person this time! Expect good stuffs (will evolve into a Cicero pairing)**

"I'm a good person, I'm a good person, _I'm a good person!_" I repeated over and over to myself. The weather was cold as death itself, and a slight mist had shrouded the stony road. I felt a drop of liquid fall on my face; the trees above seemingly wept at the innocent men and women with me. We were guiltless, _I_ had done no wrong. I never did, I never have. I was always a good Breton girl, who combed her long blonde hair and did her chores properly. I had come from a good, hard-working family. A decent bloodline, no history in crime; every one of us was an example of a perfect citizen. Yet, here I was, the skin of my wrist sheared from the binds, the smell of blood surrounding me, and a look of fear in the eyes of all who were bound with me. My head was cast down, staring at my binds; I shouldn't be here! I did nothing wrong! I had gotten lost in the woods and couldn't find my way through the dark confines of dusk; from what was to be another routine harvesting of snowberries, turned into a dirty and dark battle for my life.

I had heard voices and an overwhelming feeling of relief swept through me; I ran to the source. Little did I know I would intrude upon a small battle between two groups of people; the ones dressed in steel armor trudged through the ranks of blue dressed soldiers. I was entranced by the sight, and I didn't know whether to be afraid or calm by the sight. It appeared that the soldiers in steel won and had captured the opposing offenders; I took one single step forward, stepping on a couple of branches; the sound caught the attention of one soldier, who quickly turned his scarred face towards my location. As soon as our eyes met, fear took over me; I fled in the opposite direction. Shouting rang through my ears and I could hear my beating heart pound at such high celerity in my chest. I heard the shouting along with running feet come closer; and fear completely took over; adrenaline surging through me, blood flowing like fire in my veins, I sprinted ahead, dodging trees, rocks, anything in my path. I had no idea where I was going, and if I had, I probably would have escaped, but then I had run into a dead end, a cliff that nearly sent me to my death as I tripped, sliding over to the edge. I looked and swore I couldn't see the bottom; the sun was rising.

A group, about four or five of them came from the forest and I shook with terror as they slowly cornered me in, with no chance of escaping. They grabbed me; big men with the scent of blood mixed with sweat subdued my short frame. I tried to fight back, kicking, shoving, anything to escape, but to no avail. They tied my wrists together and dragged my body to wherever they pleased, ending up on a cart with other captives.

Now, we were approaching a town; one of unfamiliarly. I glanced at a sign which spelled out, "Helgen," again a name I was incredibly unfamiliar with. As the cart pulled through the town I overheard a comment coming from across from me. The voice was deep and robust, filled with dark and elegiac tone.

"End of the line." The man across from me said, and I shuddered in fear in realization. We were all going to die. I was petrified by the comment, why was this happening!? I had done nothing wrong! No crime, no treachery, I didn't even know where I was! The cart came to a halt at the edge of the town, and the other prisoners stepped of; facing their doom. I wasn't even conscious as my legs moved on their own and walked over in line behind the others. My mind was blank, knowing that I would be only a memory soon. My ears barely gathered information from the names that were called out loud. The names, "Ulfric Stormcloak," or, "Ralof of Riverwood," were not forming a connection to my mind. When a man asked me to approach him my mind drew a blank as he asked me for my name.

_My name? What was my name? Who am I? Why am I here?_

All these questions flooded and clouded my mind like the mist that was starting to clear. I was so frightened, that I still believe to this day that I stopped breathing, yet when he asked me a second time, I was knocked back into reality.

"My name? I-it's Reza. Reza Crossfire…" I answered back in more of a plea. The man who questioned me looked through the paper he was holding, searching intently; gently moving his brown locks to get a better look at the paper. After a minute, he, with an estranged look, glanced over to the woman standing next to him.

"Captain, what should we do? She's not on the list." He queried. His words made me feel relieved knowing that this mistake would be cleared up and I could go home. The first thing I would do was to embrace my mother and father and tell them how much I loved them!

"Forget the list! She goes to the block." The stern captain replied. I was devastated; I literally felt my knees buckle, as if I was going to suddenly collapse. What! No this cannot be right, I didn't do anything wrong! The man's apologies didn't register as I was pushed toward the block, seeing a soldier that was dressed in blue, have his head decapitated with the swiftness of a rabbit. My eyes widened in fear and I felt tears fill my eyes. Hearing my name being called next, I was pushed to the block, shoved unto the ground, leaving my pale neck exposed to the cold stone and the executioner. My tears mixed with the blood below me as the scent of fresh blood invaded my nostrils. I saw the executioner raise his weapon, my eyes shutting at my soon-to-be fate. As if the gods were answering my inner prayers a loud ruble and lurid roar came from above, I quickly opened my eyes to see a creature, black as night, and wings of cold; his demonic red eyes and sharp scales glistening in the light. A roar of great proportion emanated from the creatures throat, the sound causing the executioner to fall from his position. I quickly turned to see a familiar man shout at me to follow him. With adrenaline coming back, I quickly followed him into a large tower, charging up the stairs to escape, but the creature busted through the stone tower, scorching a man from the inside. I almost fell backwards, but caught myself as panic over took me and made me do stupid and idiotic things. I jumped through the hole in the building and fell onto a house that was next to it, wincing in pain as I landed on the floor boards. I composed myself hurriedly and sprinted towards the end of the room, jumping through a hole in the floor and landing below, I ran outside and ran into the street, but I felt a strong hand on my shoulder pull me back. I was about to throw a fist, but a roaring fire was about a foot in front of me. The heat burned the top layer of my skin. I turned to see the person who saved me; it was the man from before who had apologized about my sentence.

"Still alive prisoner? Stay with me if you want to keep it that way!" he demanded and he ran ahead and I quickly trailed behind him. After a maze of charred houses, we approached the Helgen keep, but we were soon stopped by the familiar blue dressed soldier.

"Ralof, you damned traitor! Out of my way!" my companion roared in anger at soldier.

"We're escaping Hadvar, you're not stopping us this time!" Ralof answered back harshly. I saw Hadvar growl before answering.

"Fine! I hope the dragon takes you all to Sovngarde!" he shouted, making his way to the keep. My childhood fears came into reality; the creature with those cold, back wings was a dragon! A legendary creature that was to be truly feared; a violent and malevolent creature that brought only destruction to the world they inhabited. The cold realization hit me like a blow to the head; when Ralof and Hadvar both demanded my following I had a choice. Do I go with a man who was innocent like me, or do I go with the kind man who sympathized with my sentence? I was caught in the moment and just dove for one of the doors, opening it with my bound hands and closing it rapidly, feeling the rush of safety from the walls of the keep.

I panted, desperate to cling to the oxygenated air that filled my lungs; my body still shaking from fear and dread. I was only given a moment of peaceful tranquility before I heard a grunt. Turning around Hadvar quickly grabbed my wrists and used a dagger to cut through my binds; jumped backwards, frightened by the sudden action. He tossed me a sword made of iron, expecting me to catch it, though he was disappointed as I flinched away, allowing it to clatter to the floor. He sighed deeply and rubbed his brow in disgust, I felt embarrassed, but I didn't know what else to do! I'd never even fought with sticks, let alone a real weapon! How did he expect me to be able to use such a dangerous thing? I could kill someone with that!

"If you want to get out of here alive, you'll need to be able to use that." Hadvar commented, handing me some strong leather armor to put on. I took the armor hesitantly, and turned around to put it on me. It was a loose fit, but at least it would provide me some protection. I looked toward the iron sword on the ground to my left. I stared deeply at the blade; the gray blade was darkened by dry blood, the edges sharp enough to tear through flesh with ease. The weapon fascinated me; I reluctantly reached for it, gripping the handle with great strength. The sensation was…strange. Hadvar called to me, making his way through the keep, I followed in silence, glancing around for any movement. A few minutes later, we began to hear voices, Hadvar held up his hand to indicate silence, he peered his head around the corner, seeing some blue dressed soldiers that Hadvar identified as Stormcloaks, rummaging around the keep, behind an iron barred door. Hadvar turned to me and took a deep breath. "You'll need to attack once I get the gate open, can you do that?" He barely gave me a moment to speak before he was over at the gate unlocking it and opening it, surprising the Stormcloak soldiers. Hadvar, with sword in hand, had thrust blade into one soldier, blood spurting as he pulled it out. My heart pounded in terror as one of the soldiers charged at me with a large battle axe, roaring a merciless battle cry. My actions weren't my own as my limbs quickly took the iron sword and in a large swooping motion sliced through the flesh of his chest, blood dripping as he fell to the floor dead. An overwhelming feeling overcame me, a feeling that I never had experienced before. The scent of blood in the air, the sight of an enemy suffer as I cut through their skin, the death cries of them, the blood; the vast amount of blood that covered my boots, the blood that sprawled all over me, dripping on my pale face, near my mouth. This feeling, this excitement, it felt so…so…_good…_My lips curled into a mad smile and my tongue slowly licked the corner of my mouth; I tasted the flavor of copper; blood that was left after the kill. I was no longer there.

It was like looking through someone else's eyes as I rushed to Hadvar, killing those around him. I backstabbed one victim, another was decapitated. It was all so cryptic, the wave of electricity surging through me as I myself felt the souls of the Stormcloaks disappear from the living. We went through the keep, killing every single Stormcloak there, leaving no mercy! The spiders, the bear, they were no match for my sword! We got out through a cave, and I was giddy, wanting more of that glorious feeling! That utter rush from the sight of the blood; from the kill itself…who? What, what am I saying? What, what am I doing. The crazed feeling I once had disappeared and was replaced with disbelief and guilt. I dropped the sword on the soil below, it cluttered and I looked from the blood covered sword to my hands, they too, soaked with the crimson liquid. I didn't know what to think, my mind went blank. I started to shake, afraid of the actions I had committed; what has been wrong with me? I had never done something so…violent before, I had never fought with my siblings, how did it come to this? I had no knowledge of fighting, yet I had killed those people with such ease. Even Hadvar said he was surprised about my skill.

"What have I done?" I whispered, collapsing to the ground, Hadvar rushed to me.

"You alright, what's wrong?" he asked me concerned about my current state. I wouldn't be able to answer him though, bec use suddenly my body went cold, and darkness quickly enveloped me.

*o*

I woke up, in an unfamiliar abode, hearing faint whispers and the cackling of a dying fire.

"Ahh, looks like you've awakened." A man said in relief. The man, I realized, was Hadvar, the man I had escaped with. I sat up in the bed, a headache rushing to my head. My hand went up to it, gripping it hard, it was so utterly painful!

"What happened?" I groaned, removing the furs that covered me, getting off the bed to stand. Once I stood however, blood rushed to my head and my vision clouded. I felt myself start to fall, but Hadvar quickly caught me, putting me back on the bed.

"Not so fast! You blacked out on me as we left the cave, I don't understand why though, you seemed fine during the fight." Hadvar said. I was puzzled.

"Fight? What fight? I've never fought before in my life." I said, hoping that he was joking, but he stared at me curiously. I stared back, only to find out that he wasn't kidding, knowing that I had fought; my memory flooded back into me. The blood, the bodies, the rush…"Oh gods, what have I done!" I screamed, covering my face in my hands. Tears began to pour from my eyes, what had I done? I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked to see Hadvar trying to comfort me. I turned away, I couldn't look at him. I had killed people…I…I was supposed to be a good person, yet here I was, with the death of numerous people on my conscience. I had never done anything like this before. "I'm supposed to be a good person," I said covering my face again, "but I killed people!" I continued to cry, distraught by the realization of my unholy actions.

"They were attacking us," I heard Hadvar say, "You did nothing wrong, you defended yourself, and your country." His last statement confused me, I had no idea where I was, what country was I even in?

"Where am I?" I asked looking at him questioningly. He raised an eyebrow at my question.

"Why, you're in Skyrim." He replied.

**A/N: Reviews are awesome...just saying...**


	2. Darkness Swells

**A/N: Chapter two...**

Skyrim. Now I was really lost, I had no idea where I was, nor how to get back home! Hadvar had been kind to give me a place to stay, but apparently they had bigger problems. Hadvar's uncle told me that Riverwood wasn't safe with a dragon around and that Jarl Bulgruff should be informed immediately. I volunteered to go myself, for I owed it to them for taking care of me. His uncle was nice enough to give me supplies, along with a map. I decided to head out, borrowing horse from Hadvar's uncle, with the promise to return it.

Riding the horse, I couldn't help but feel so terrible and elegiac. I couldn't believe what I had done. I never thought that in my life I would do something as evil as killing. In all my twenty-five years, I had never done something even remotely bad; I obeyed my mother and father and did as I was told. Now, I had deaths on my conscious. What even scared me the most was I wasn't even conscious that I was doing it, it was like I was seeing it from someone else's eyes, and that feeling…why did it feel good to do such evil deeds? I wanted to tell the Jarl about the dragon, then leave and go back home; maybe in a few years I could forget about this whole thing and have the normal life like I had before…

I shook my head, no use worrying about it now, what's done is done; I will be home soon enough. I took out my map of Skyrim to see where I was going; I had been traveling for hours, and it was starting to get dark; surely I would have been there by now? I scowled as the last bit of light threatened to prevent me from reading the map. I was about to give up when I looked up from the map and saw a large city, with large stone walls that towered over me. It looked amazing and a small gasp came from my mouth. I rode the horse to the stable where I saw a man who I assumed to run the stables, though; it was a little difficult to see through the snow. I dismounted my horse and approached him. He was quite tall, with a curly black beard.

"Hello," I said politely, "where can I find Jarl Balgruff?" the man looked at me and then started to laugh. I felt really embarrassed and upset by his behavior. "W-what?!" I demanded.

"Jarl Balgruff? Hah! He's the Jarl of Whiterun, go there if you want to talk to him!" He answered. My mouth dropped to the floor, so I wasn't in Whiterun?! Where the hell was I!

"Where exactly am I?" I said trying to hide my embarrassment, he looked at me like some kind of peculiar beast, but then his face softened in realization.

"You must not be from around here, this here's Windhelm, home of Ulfric Stormcloak, the true High King of Skyrim!" he said with great pride. Stormcloak? Why did that sound so familiar…I paid the man to take care of the horse as I walked across the bridge into Windhelm. I sighed to myself, how could I be so stupid? First I kill people; then I take a wrong turn to a different city, why do the gods hate me? I entered the city, hoping to find shelter for the night. Upon entering the city I couldn't help but overhear a child and an older elf woman speaking about some boy named Arentino, all alone in a house. My curiosity had gotten the best of me, so I entered the open door; not knowing what I would find inside.

The air was cold in the room, crisp and dark. Little candles flicked in the corner of the room, as I walked silently up the steps, I was beginning to doubt anyone living in such a desolate place. I froze when I heard a voice; young and innocent. I peered around the corner of the room and saw a horrendous sight. A boy, bent low, stabbing the floor with a dagger, a skeleton next to him, with rotting flesh and other objects sprawled about. The smell that emanated from there, caused me to gag, the sound alerted the boy of my presence. He turned rapidly and looked at me with a huge and cordial smile plastered on his face. He got up quickly and ran over to me, embracing me in a tight squeeze. I was taken aback by the action, I didn't really know what to do.

"I knew you would come, I just knew it!" the boy exclaimed; I could feel him shaking while he hugged me. I was getting a feeling of slight discomfort; I pried the boy gently off of me, giving him a genuine smile. He wiped a few tears off his face. "I did the Black Sacrament, over and over. With the body and the... the things. And then you came! An assassin from the Dark Brotherhood!" he said in excitement. I was curious about his statement, the Dark Brotherhood? Who could they be?

"I'm sorry, boy, I'm not who you think I am…" I replied, backing away somewhat; he only crept closer to me.

"Of course you are! I prayed, and you came, and now you'll accept my contract." He commented joyfully.

"Contract?" I asked in curiosity. He frowned and looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"My mother, she... she died. I... I'm all alone now. So they sent me to that terrible orphanage in Riften. Honorhall. The headmistress is an evil, cruel woman. They call her Grelod the Kind. But she's not kind. She's terrible. To all of us. So I ran away, and came home. And performed the Black Sacrament. Now you're here! And you can kill Grelod the Kind!" he spoke with triumphant glee. I was stunned, kill? Again? No, never, I exited the house quickly, the boy exclaiming his thanks. I didn't care what happened to the boy I just ran; out of the house, out of the city, and onto my horse. I rode my horse through the forest, letting the chestnut horse sprint as far as its hooves could carry it; anything to get me away from that cursed house!

*0*

I had fallen asleep on my horse, I woke up covered in horse hair and both feet had fallen asleep. I looked around and noticed that I was at a different city; snow no longer on the ground. A large lake was surrounding the docks of the city and as I shook my feet, I dismounted my horse, looking around further in this unfamiliar territory. Desperate to know where I was, I approached the city's gate. Only to be stopped by a guard at the gate.

"You have to pay the visitors tax to get it." The gruff guard grunted. Normally, I was polite and did what people of higher authority asked me to, but a sudden urge filled me and I growled harshly at the man.

"This is obviously a shakedown." Growled a strange voice that I identified to be my own. What was happening to me? I shook my head and the poor guard in front of me held his hands up defensively.

"Alright! Keep your voice down! Let me just unlock the gate…" he said, fumbling the keys in his hand as he opened the gate for me. I nodded shyly and entered the city, only to be greeted by a tall, burly man.

"Welcome to Riften…" his deep voice said. Riften? Why did I get a strange feeling from that name? I kept walking around the city, impressed by its quaintness. I looked around the small city, discovering its buildings and various shops. I suddenly stopped when I saw a little cottage near what I assumed to be the keep of the city. The cottage was small and picturesque, it fascinated me, and for some reason, I was drawn to it, like a moth to a flame. I opened the doors only to hear an old voice yelling throughout the room.

"And one more thing! I will hear no more talk of adoptions! None of you riff-raff is getting adopted. Ever! Nobody needs you, nobody wants you. That, my darlings, is why you're here. Why you will always be here, until the day you come of age and get thrown into that wide, horrible world. Now, what do you all say?" an old voice shrilled. How horrible! How could anyone say a think like that? I walked into the room and saw an old crone begin to beat a child into submission. At that horrific moment, that feeling from earlier at the gate came back. My body wasn't my own, as a sadistic smile formed on my face, I saw the terror in the woman's eyes as a grabbed a candlestick from a table and lunged at her; mercilessly beating her. Blood began to spill everywhere, the cacophonic melody of her squirting blood colliding everywhere; including my body. I could feel my smile spread even more as her screams turned into utter silence. I continued to beat her over the head even when she stopped struggling. Oh, what a complete rush! What is this glorious feeling that burns deep into my soul! Oh, how I crave it, long for it, cling to it! I heard a dark and sinister laughter coming from me, yet it was not my own. This…how I was acting…it…it's not me!

I dropped the candlestick and screamed in pain as my head throbbed in pain. I looked over at the scene before me; an unrecognizable body sprawled on the floor. The blood of the woman seeping through my skin; I began to shake and between the cheers I heard a scream and turned to see a young woman petrified with fear. I panicked and fled out the side doors. I didn't care where I went now; so much adrenaline was in my body that I wasn't thinking clearly. I began to scale the wall that surrounded Riften; not even sparing a second thought as I jumped off the wall, landing in the water; thankfully it was very deep. I started to swim, to flee from my actions, to escape. When I eventually made it to land, I started running, not even caring about the horse I left behind. I needed to escape, to flee from the law! I was…a murderer! The thought struck me painfully. What have I done, what is happening to me? Tears ran down my face, blowing in the wind; I'm losing myself!

*0*

I couldn't run anymore, I had no idea how long I had been running, or how far, but one thing was for sure, I couldn't go on. I walked further down the path I was on; hopefully I could find someplace to stay, for it was getting dark out. After about an hour's walk, I made it to a little town by the name of Ivarstead. I stepped into the inn, incredibly thirsty; desperate for a bed. I paid for both and flopped down on the bed, passing out instantly. I honestly needed to get home…

*0*

My back was stiff and I had a pain in my neck, my vision was blurry as I sat up. My head was throbbing and I began to cough up blood. What the hell? Where was I? I glanced around the old and run down shack I was in, my eyes drifted until settling upon a darkly cloaked figure. The figures eyes pierced my soul, and I instantly felt a tinge of fear.

"Sleep well?" the mysterious figure asked. I was petrified for a moment but eventually had the courage to speak.

"W-where am I? What do you want?"

"Does it matter? You're warm, dry... and still very much alive. That's more than can be said for old Grelod. Hmm?" she questioned calmly. My eyes widened in shock; _she knew_.

"How do you know about that!?" I demanded, my voice suddenly changing; becoming deeper…slightly…demonic? The figure seemed to be taken aback at my words, but quickly recovered; informing me that everyone in Skyrim knew about it. Knowing this, I felt incredibly guilty, yet she continued to speak. She commented on my way of killing, how gory how malevolent it was, I had never felt so much shame before. Even though I had killed before, Hadvar had told me I was justified, since we were being attacked, but Grelod…I _murdered_ her in cold blood; I…I don't even know what came over me. I lowered my head in shame.

"Oh, but don't misunderstand. I'm not criticizing. It was a good kill. Old crone had it coming. And you saved a group of urchins, to boot. Ah, but there is a slight... problem. You see, that little Aretino boy was looking for the Dark Brotherhood. For me, and my associates. Grelod the Kind was, by all rights, a Dark Brotherhood contract. A kill... that you stole. A kill you must repay." She said sinisterly, and I didn't like where it was going. I knew what she had hinted at, she wanted me to kill again…no, gods please no! "If you turn around, you'll notice my guests." She continued, " I've "collected" them from... well, that's not really important. The here and now. That's what matters. You see, there's a contract out on one of them, and that person can't leave this room alive. But... which one? Go on, see if you can figure it out. Make your choice. Make your kill. I just want to observe... and admire." She finished her sentence by throwing a dagger; sticking the blade into the floor next to me. I was starting to feel anxious not wanting any part of it. She saw my hesitation and _had_ to make a joke. "What? Would you prefer a candlestick?" she mocked, chuckling a bit. I scowled and picked up the blade, turning around to see the people she had, "collected".

I spoke to each of them; each of them going on about their lives and their crimes. I couldn't help but feel an overwhelming hatred boil inside me, they all were guilty about something! They all had done evil! I hated evil people! My hatred enveloped me and I could take it anymore; with a cackle, I swung the blade in one swoop, shearing through the soft skin on their necks; blood squirting out and staining the floor. When the craziness of the pleasure subsided, I walked back over to Astrid, who seemed content with my, "decision".

"My, my, aren't we the overachiever…" she said. I dropped the blade and spit on the ground, my true self lost, replaced by this strange new person.

"I killed, that's all that matters…and I want more…" the cryptic voice coming from me explained. Content with my answer, the figure nodded.

"Yes, well you'll be glad to know that there will be plenty more where that came from. I would like to officially extend to you an invitation to join my Family. The Dark Brotherhood. In the southwest reaches of Skyrim, in the Pine Forest, you'll find the entrance to our Sanctuary. It's just beneath the road, hidden from view. When questioned by the Black Door, answer with the correct passphrase: "Silence, my brother." Then you're in. And your new life begins. I'll see you at home." She said and she tossed me the key to exit the shack, but I still wasn't myself. It wasn't until I saw myself exit the shack and begin walking that my head began to spin and I was normal again. Well, if you think being a "murderer" is normal…

*0*

I couldn't wrap my head around it, here I was, at the door that she spoke of, about to answer the passphrase, about to become an assassin. What was wrong with me? Me an assassin? Impossible, yet I answered it anyway, I walked in, and I started my new life. I didn't really know if it was for the best, or if I should try to go home, but there was one thing I was certain about. I wasn't the innocent little girl I used to be…I desperately wanted to be a good person; yet this feeling, this power, this, other person inside of me didn't care. I was a murderer now, and nothing could change that…I've lost myself to this madness, who am I? Where did Reza Crossfire go?


	3. The Jester

**A/N: Short chapter I know, but I'm getting there!**

I was on a mission from Nazir near Whiterun. I remembered my promise to Hadvar's uncle and completed it, without any trouble, yet when the Jarl asked me for assistance on a more "important" matter, I declined, saying I was busy, which was true. I was walking on a road, passing up a farm when I saw a strange man on the side of the road. As I got closer, I noticed he was grumbling in frustration because of his wagon; eventually he kicked the broken wheel and fumed, causing me to giggle. The odd man turned around revealing his jester's motley, pouting at me.

"Oh, bother and befuddle. Stuck here…STUCK!" he cried in agony, kicking it once more. After I finished giggling, I walked closer to him.

"Problem?" I asked. The man looked at me sadly, and pouted again.

"Oh, poor Cicero is stuck! Can't you see? I was transporting my dear, sweet mother. Well, I mean her corpse, she's quite dead." He chuckled. I gave a nervous laugh and let him continue. "I'm taking mother to a new home, a new crypt. But…aggh! Wagon wheel, DAMNDEST WAGON WHEEL! It broke, don't you see?" he gestured to the broken wheel. I giggled and asked if I could be of assistance. To my comment, he smiled wildly and chortled. "OH YES! The kindly stranger can most certainly help!" he continued to tell me the details on the subject; how the farmer Loreius wouldn't help him.

"Don't worry; I'll go talk to him." I assured the funny man and I made my way up the hill to the farm. Arriving at the doorstep, I started talking to Loreius about Cicero and his problem. Even when I tried to persuade him to help the farmer was too stubborn to help.

"No way! Ain't no way I'm getting involved with that!" Loreius spat. His selfishness irritated me and I dark wave came over me and I suddenly grabbed ahold of his tunic and raised him up in the air. I looked into his eyes and only saw fear, and I could feel a crazed smile come to my face as the strange dark power took over me again.

"I think you should help him, _Loreius_…" a dark voice that came from me said. Loreius could only nod rapidly, his whimpering shook me out of my trance and I smiled and let him go; nodding as I did so. I walked back to Cicero and told him that Loreius would be down soon. The jester then smiled and did a little happy dance, he handed me a bag of septims which I declined, I only wanted to help. I continued to walk further down the road, continuing on to my contact; leaving the funny man puzzled and curious.

*0*

Finishing my contract I returned to the Sanctuary, only to hear a familiar voice coming from further inside. I walked down the steps, and there, in the middle of the room, was that jester from earlier that day! It appeared that he was finished speaking with Astrid because she quickly came to me to inform me about my first _real_ contact; that was to be given by a girl by the name of Muiri. As excited as I was to start I was entranced more by the strange, funny jester from earlier. _What if he doesn't remember me?_ I wondered, only to have my thoughts startled by him.

"Oh, I know you! From the road! Cicero never forgets a face!" the funny man exclaimed in excitement.

"You were that man…transporting his mother." I added. Cicero nodded his head in approval.

"But not just my mother, hmm? _Our _ mother, the Night Mother. And you helped poor Cicero! You got Loreius to fix my wheel. I can tell that we will be friends, fast friends!" he stated joyfully, taking my hands in his. The sudden contact startled me, but it didn't do it enough to make me pull away. In fact, I sort of…liked it…I looked at Cicero who simply smiled at me then proceeded to say that the Night Mother needed tending and that we could speak later, which I nodded in approval of his statement. Cicero was very interesting and for some reason, a part of me just wanted to get to know him more. To _be_ friends with him. Asking everyone else about Cicero, it seemed that they didn't know what to make of Cicero's arrival; it made me conclude that he would be alone, and this made me sad. Everyone needed somebody.

Deciding to rest for the night, I crept over to my bed, checking to make sure no one was looking while I changed into something more comfortable. I covered myself with the furs as I laid inside the bed. Before I went to sleep, I usually thought about many things, especially about my new life and old life. Everything that I was doing was against everything I was taught, everything I believed in, yet I still did it. What I wanted to know was, why had I changed? Was my family okay? What would they think about me now? Why did I feel pleasure for killing? Why did I become a different person when I did it? I figure though, that the biggest question was, am I still a good person? I didn't know anymore; and that's what scared me. I didn't know _who I was_ anymore…Who am I?


	4. The Face in the Mirror

I awoke with a scream; my body shaking and my heart beating wildly. I looked around the Sanctuary; discovering that everything was fine, normal. My rigid breath was stabilizing, and I shuddered as a cold bead of sweat ran down my spine. I swallowed and got out of the bed; still shaking slightly. I wobbled over to a wash basin, taking the clear liquid and washing the sweat and dirt off my pale face. I took a cloth from the side of the basin and dried my face. Taking a deep breath as my shaking hands tore away from my face. I felt strange; not myself. I felt a dark aura around me; it was frightening. I turned around to see if anyone was behind me, only to find dark, empty space. No one was around me, yet I felt an odd; dangerous presence.

"_The mirror…"_ a voice growled from the washbasin. I was overcome with fear and turned back to the washbasin, looking deep into the water; nothing there. What in oblivion was that? I felt a cold air sweep pass me; causing me to shudder. I suddenly felt an urge to listen to the voice's words: the mirror. I slowly lifted my head to look into the reflective glass. Once my eyes met the glass, I was appalled and felt the shock of horror when my reflection wasn't what I thought it was. There was me, barring a sadistic smile; filled with sharp teeth, my eyes glowed with a crimson red. The image frightened me, it was my reflection, but it wasn't me in the mirror! What is this madness? I took a step back and my reflection giggled in dark delight, its smile growing wider, its eyes narrowing; focusing on its prey. I felt panic sweep over me, but I found myself frozen in place; unable to move. The demonic giggling grew louder and my eyes were drawn to the demon in the mirror. It looked me deep in the eyes and smiled evilly; it seemed to lean in closer and its giggling rang luridly in my ears.

"_Hello, Rezzzzaaaa~"_ it said crazily; its voice similar to my own, yet layered with demonic intent. My vision blurred and I began to scream only to find myself awake in my bed. My breathing was rapid and I was having difficulty getting oxygen to my lungs. I suddenly heard footsteps approach my location. I looked up to see Cicero, out of breath, and his ebony dagger ready for a kill.

"What's wrong? Cicero heard the sister screaming and came as fast as his legs could fly!" Cicero explained as he looked rapidly around the room; getting in front of me. "There's no intruder trying to attack the dear sister is there? If there is, Cicero shall protect the kind sister! Stabbing the attacker until his soul meets the Void!" I wasn't thinking clearly and was too frightened to even care. I grabbed the jester and tucked myself against his body; my frame shaking in fear; trying to find comfort in the jester's embrace. Cicero hesitated for a moment, surprised by my sudden action, when he realized I was trembling he put down his dagger gently, wrapping his arms around me. Even though I barely knew Cicero, I felt like I was the closest to him than anyone in the Sanctuary. I heard him hum a comforting tune and my breathing slowly returned to normal. I stopped shaking and was feeling sleepy in his arms; the warmth that came from his body comforted me as he continued to hum. We heard footsteps come rapidly toward us and I saw Nazir, Festus, and Babette come in the room, ready for action.

"What's going on, we thought we heard a…." Nazir began, only to lower his sword and give an awkward cough. Babette started to snigger and Festus 'hmphed' and stalked away. I looked to them and began to blush as I realized what _they_ thought they were seeing, I quickly tore away from Cicero and tumble out of the bed.

"I-i-it's not what it looks like!" I stammered, completely embarrassed by what they all just saw. Babette was still trying to stifle a roaring laughter and Nazir rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

"Look sister, we don't really mind what you do in your free time, but next time…keep it down…" Nazir warned uncomfortably, returning to his resting area. Babette only winked and walked gracefully out of the room. My face was probably florid in color and I didn't look at Cicero for a few moments. I shuffled awkwardly in place; unsure of what to say.

"Thanks, I guess…" I said, still not looking at Cicero. He smiled and only looked at me, happily.

"Oh, the pleasure is Cicero's; the kind sister helped Cicero once, it was honor to repay the kind sister!" He stated jubilantly, but he frowned at looked at me in confusion. "But why was the sister screaming? Surely, the sister wasn't screaming at nothing." I looked to him, still embarrassed; I took a deep breath, and remembered why I was so scared. I ran to the mirror and looked at my reflection. I sighed in relief, finding only me inside the mirror. Cicero got up and walked over to me; looking at me through the mirror, his amber eyes filled with worry and concern. "Tell Cicero what is wrong, dear sister. You can trust Cicero." I sighed and turned to face him, his closeness was unnerving, yet not uncomfortable.

"I had a nightmare." I said, scratching my hair. "I was so scared, I had looked in the mirror and found my reflection; only it wasn't me, it was something else…a monster…" I said silently. It wasn't until Cicero wiped away a tear with his finger that I realized I was crying. He looked at me sadly and understood my fear.

"Cicero can assure the sister that she is _not_ a monster." He said with a smile. I nodded and he guided me to my bed where he tucked me in; pulling the blankets over me and tucking them under me. He smiled at me and his amber eyes looked straight into mine; instantly calming me. For a moment, all was silent, and it was just the two of us. Cicero nodded and went to leave, yet something strange came over me and I grabbed the back of his jester's motley; preventing him from leaving. He turned back to me, and I felt my face get warm. I was still afraid, and I didn't want to be alone.

"Please…" I said quietly, "Please don't leave me…" Cicero understood and took a couple of furs from the nightstand's drawer; sprawling it on the floor and laying on it. Once he was comfortable, he took hold of my hand. I blushed at his touch, but I didn't let go; it comforted me and soon, I fell asleep; Cicero never letting go of my hand.


	5. Trust

"Would the kind sister like to accompany Cicero as he picks pretty flowers for the Night Mother?" Cicero asked as he looked at me with a jubilant expression. I removed my gaze from my book to him as he spoke. I pondered his question for a moment; humming in thought. I hadn't been out since my contracts from Nazir, and I was getting a tad bit bored from sitting around the Sanctuary, so I nodded in agreement. He clapped his hands in joy and took my hand and ran with me, causing me to fly out of my chair to keep up with him. He giggled in delight as we ran out of the Sanctuary, and into the woods.

"Where are we going?" I called to Cicero, who was still running with me; hand in hand.

"It's a surprise sister!" he winked, continuing to run. We ran for at least a half an hour before we got to a place where the trees blocked out the sunlight. It was incredibly dark, though it had been around midday. Cicero let go of my hand, and looked around; searching for something. "Close your eyes sister!" he said cheerfully. I scoffed and crossed my arms; he couldn't be serious, could he? "It's a surprise sister! You must close your eyes for the surprise!" he commented. I sighed and rolled my eyes; closing them tight. I couldn't see, but my eyes beneath my eyelids detected a bright light around us. I felt Cicero lead me into the light, before he told me I could open them. When my eyes opened, Cicero and I were in a beautiful meadow; surrounded by gorgeous flowers and butterflies. It was like something out of a storybook; the beautiful sun, caressing my pale face; a warm breeze gently combing through my hair.

"Cicero, it…it's wonderful!" I exclaimed in fascination, a butterfly falling on my finger. Cicero smiled and looked around.

"This is where Cicero has been getting Mother's flowers! Is it not grand?" he asked with glee.

"It's absolutely stunning!" I said, not expecting it when Cicero took my hands and twirled around with me. For the rest of the time we spent there, we gathered lots of gracious and glorious flowers. We eventually decided to lay in the meadow, watching as the clouds passed by, commenting on the shapes we saw. I didn't really know how long we were out here for, and frankly I didn't care! I was having so much fun, more fun than I had in ages. I felt Cicero tap my shoulder and I looked at him curiously. There he held out a beautiful purple and pink flower that spiraled into a black hole. It was marvelous! I accepted it gladly, slightly blushing as I sniffed it; it had such a pleasant scent. I smiled gratefully and thanked him. Cicero was a strange man. At some points he was friendly and kind, and at others he was insane and mad. His duality made me question his background, what had caused all of this to happen. I swallowed, how would he react to my questions? I decided I wouldn't know until I tried, so I asked him, "Cicero, why are you…the way you are…What's your story?" He looked at me peculiarly, but quickly understood what I was asking. He laid back, hands behind his head, and took a deep breath.

"Where does Cicero begin?" he questioned. He then began to explain how he joined the Dark Brotherhood and how he was appointed Keeper. He elucidated that his last contract was a jester. He explained for what seemed like hours, how the previous Listener was killed and how he was on the search for another. He told me how the members of the Sanctuary he was a part of in Bravil slowly abandoned him leaving him alone with the Night Mother and the deafening silence that consumed him. He informed me that he soon became the Fool of Hearts, laughter incarnate. He spoke of his incredible loneliness and solitude and how alone he felt, but now that he was here, he was happy again. Happy not to be alone anymore... "Happy that you, dear sister, have befriended me." He finished, moving to his side to look at me better. I realized at that point that he told no one else of his sad story. That he trusted me more than anyone else in the Sanctuary. I was flattered. "And what about you, hmm? What is your story? How did the sister join the Dark Brotherhood?" His question frightened me. Sure he trusted me, but did I trust him? What would happen if I told him everything that has been going on, would he think I was crazy? I was afraid of what his reaction would be. I did feel closer to him than anyone else in the Sanctuary, but did I truthfully trust him? I didn't really know, but I did know that I needed to tell someone; anyone.

"My name is Reza Crossfire; I am a Breton from the outskirts of High Rock. My family and I were farmers. I always listened to my parents; never fought with my siblings; I was a good girl. One day I got lost in the forest and was captured by some Imperials. I was about to be executed when a dragon came and ravaged the city of Helgen. I soon found myself in a position where I needed to kill, and I did, but I wasn't myself when I did. It was like looking through someone else's eyes; I wasn't me, I would never hurt anyone. But this other _thing_, it likes to kill, gains pleasure from killing. It frightens me…I don't even know who I am anymore. My nightmare from last night…that _thing_ was in it. Whatever it was, it's horrible, it's a monster…am I a monster…?" I said, feeling the tears coming, "Who am I Cicero? Am I a monster!?" The tears began to trail down my face, but Cicero quickly wiped them away. He hovered over me and I felt my cheeks become warm from his actions. He looked at me with a forlorn expression.

"Cicero told you sister, _you_ are not a monster. Whatever this thing is, it led you here…and I am glad it did…" he said, trying to cheer me up. He had a point; it had led me here, but was it what I wanted? Did I want to be a killer? Did I want to be here? I didn't know…

Cicero and I went back to the Sanctuary, decorating the space around the Night Mother's coffin, with the beauteous flowers. We then kneeled and prayed. I didn't know what Cicero prayed for, but I prayed for answers.


	6. Listening in

I didn't know why, but every time I killed, the same thing would always happen. Alain Dufont and his thugs were no different. I don't know why, or what causes it to happen, but it happens every single time. My heart starts pounding, and I feel a deadly urge consume me. I lose myself in the adrenaline; the euphoria. My blood courses through my body like a roaring flame, sending waves of pleasure to surge through me as my blade cuts through soft, and tender flesh. I no longer act of my own free will, as if someone or _something_ else is controlling me, and I am powerless to stop it…what is the most terrifying thing is that I gain pleasure from my kills; that killing people _pleases_ me…who, no what kind of sick _thing_ am I? Where is the innocent Breton girl who inhabited this body not too long ago? Where did she go? Will she ever come back? Who or what has taken her place, filling the empty shell of her? _Who am I?_ I...I never intended this…this is not how I wanted to spend my life…all I ever wanted was to be a good person like my mother and father taught me…now look at me: a killer, but not just any killer; a person who kills for _pleasure_…who…_who the fuck am I?_

I walked into the sanctuary, trailing down the many steps to report back to Astrid. I felt like I was going absolutely mad. I didn't know what to do really. These people, who said to be my _family_ were all murderers…like me. Even though I too was a cold blooded killer, I felt like a stranger to all of them; like I didn't belong here, but was that because I truly didn't belong, or did I just not _want_ to belong? Gods, even I don't know the answer…I stopped on the steps and rested my body against the wall of the Sanctuary; I took a deep breath. _What's wrong with me?_ I wondered, trying to find the answer as I rested against cool stone. To be honest, I was frightened about my current situation; I didn't even know who I was anymore, and what about my uncontrollable actions? What was it that was controlling me; was it even real? Was I going insane? Was what I was experiencing even possible? And if it was, then what would happen if I continued letting it take me over? Would I become like whatever it is? These questions scared me and baffled me to no end. I sighed as I gathered the strength and composure to face Astrid. I saw her when I entered the passageway, she was leaning over a map; scouting out contracts probably. She greeted me and asked me how my contract went. I conversed with her, explaining how I did everything that Muiri commanded; even killing her old friend Nilsine. Usually Astrid was pleased when I informed her of a successful contract, yet something seemed…off; she turned her head toward the stairs that led deeper into the Sanctuary, as if she was wary about something…

"You alright?" I asked, "You seem to have something bothering you." She looked back to me with a serious look on her face. _Clearly_, there was something wrong.

"It's Cicero," she said in a hushed tone, "Ever since he arrived his behavior has been…Well, erratic would be an understatement. I do believe he is truly mad." She looked back again to make sure I was the only one listening. _He's not the only one_, I thought to myself, continuing to listen to Astrid. "But it's worse than that. He's taken to locking himself in the Night Mother's chamber, and talking. To someone. In hushed, but frantic tones." She continued, getting worked up. I didn't like where any of this was going, what did she expect me to do? Cicero…is my friend, what could she possibly want me to do? I told her that she was just being paranoid and tried to walk past her, but she blocked my path. "Maybe so, but a little healthy paranoia has saved this family in the past." She said threateningly, hopefully more towards Cicero than me. I sighed and realized there was no way to get around this.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked with derision; unhappy about this…division of betrayal. She went on about how I needed to eavesdrop on Cicero and whoever this hypothetical conspirer was. She suggested I hid in the Night Mother's coffin; which, in truth, I found highly disturbing and disrespectful, but it wasn't like I had a choice. After she finished, she urged me on quickly, causing me to nearly trip as I ran down the steps. I darted up the stairs on the other side; turning into the Night Mother's chamber. I silently crept near it, taking out a lock pick, looking around to see if I was being watched. When I was satisfied that I was alone, I began to pick the lock to the coffin, which opened gladly. Soon after I succeeded opening the lock, I heard footsteps along with a high pitched humming approaching. I gasped and quickly opened the heavy iron doors; closing them, leaving me in the dark, alone, with the Night Mother. You know, for a corpse, she didn't smell awful, in fact, she smelled of sweet juniper berries. Cicero certainly kept her clean. I found myself taking shallow, quiet breaths to prevent me from giving away my position. I heard Cicero from outside the coffin. Talking to someone, just as Astrid had said. Was he truly conspiring against us all? I felt a pang of hurt, how could Cicero betray us like that? I focused my hearing on the words he spoke; hoping to maybe get a clue on who he was speaking to. He seemed to be getting frustrated at whoever he was speaking to; his voice getting louder and louder with each sentence. Eventually, I heard him take a deep breath; apparently calming himself.

"Not…not that I'm angry," I heard him say, "…no never! Cicero understands. Heh. Cicero always understands, and obeys…You will talk when you're ready, won't you? Won't you…sweet Night Mother!" At that moment my body froze in place, my vision completely focused on the corpse in front of me. My mind became as empty as the Void, and felt as if it was being infiltrated, by some unknown force.

"Poor Cicero, dear Cicero. Such a humble servant, but he will never hear my voice, for he is not the Listener!" a lurid and powerful voice said. Once the voice stopped talking, my body felt free once more, leaving my breathing to hitch.

"Oh, but how can I defend you? How can I exert your will if you will not speak? To anyone!" I overheard Cicero say from outside the coffin. Once again, my mind was overtaken and my body was again, paralyzed.

"Oh, but I will speak; I will speak to _you_. For _you_ are the one…Yes _you_. _You _who shares my iron tomb, who warms my ancient bones. I give you this task-journey to Volunruud; speak with Amaund Motierre! Tell Cicero the time has come. Tell him the words he's been waiting for all these years: "Darkness rises, when silence dies!" " the voice filled my thoughts once again; then left, draining me of energy. The doors of the coffin swung open and I fell backwards, landing with a thud on the cold, stone floor. I looked up into Cicero's face; his expression was one of shock, horror, anger, and a hint of sadness; I saw the hurt in his eyes, how betrayed he felt. He trusted me, and I abused that trust. He lunged for me, shoving me up against the wall of the Sanctuary. The force exerted by him was so great that the impact of stone to my back caused the wind to get knocked right out of me. He might have been shorter than other men, but he towered over me and my small frame. His right hand found its way to my neck; constricting it like a snake. Air was no longer travelling to my lungs, and judging by the sheer power behind his fingers, they would leave bruises. I coughed; attempting with difficulty to find even a slight breath of oxygen. His eyes burned in anger and his teeth were barred at me like a viscous predator.

"What treachery! Defiler! Debaser and defiler! You have violated the sanctity of the Night Mother's coffin!" he roared at me, the power of his grip growing tighter and tighter; my pulse beating between his fingers. Some strange and potent feeling began to course through my veins. I began to lose myself as another force came over me; control of my own mind and body no longer was in my control. I began to smile coyly, my half-lidded eyes gazing up into man who held my life between his fingers. That furious expression, his predatory growls, his brow protruding a slight sweat, this position, his firm grip threatening to end my life at any moment; his eyes, those amber spectacles that burned deep into my soul; he was sending me to the Void with his glorious appearance. His grip on my neck wasn't the only thing taking me breath away. An overwhelming feeling of lust overcame me. Oh gods, I wanted him to tear me apart; to ravage me right here against the wall! I wanted him to do things to me that no one else had ever done before, and never stop! I reached out my hands to his chest; bunching up the fabric of his motley; my lips curled in a seductive smile. I wanted _him…_I reached my head as far as I could from his grip to his ear.

"_Darkness rises when silence dies~"_ a voice that clearly wasn't my own whispered seductively in his ear. Cicero's tore his hand from me, backing up instantly; leaving me to collapse on the floor from lack of air. I began to cough violently as pushed that unknown force out of my body; regaining control of me. I panted as the strange feelings left my body; the heat that I felt before replaced by a cold chill. I looked up at Cicero who backed into a dresser, his hands resting on it to maintain his balance. He looked like he was going to collapse. He looked at me with a completely stunned expression; his eyes lost all the anger from the previous moment, and were replaced with shock.

"You…those words…it cannot be…" he said silently, his voice quaking slightly. "They are the Binding Words, the signal that I would know; Mother's only way to talk to sweet Cicero…" His eyes went downcast and it was silent for a moment until he looked at me with the same shocked expression. "That means…she's back…our Lady is back…and you…_you_ are the Listener!" he finished, quickly becoming excited; he began to dance and cackle violently. "You are the Listener, you are the Listener! I have served Mother well, I have!" he laughed, running over to me and lifted me up to begin dancing with him. It didn't take long before Astrid came through the door, weapon ready.

"By Sithis, this ends now! Back away, fool! Whatever you've been planning is over!" she rushed between us, putting herself in between me and Cicero. "Are you alright? I heard all the commotion, but where's the accomplice?" she questioned, darting her dagger at cicero, who simply dodged it without exerting too much energy.

"I only spoke to the Night Mother, but she did not speak to me, oh no, she only spoke to her," Cicero explained pointing to me, "to the Listener!" Astrid looked back to me with an odd expression of confusion.

"What? The Listener? What are you going on about?" She questioned to both of us. Cicero only smiled happily and danced around.

"The silence has been broken, the Listener has been chosen!" he giggled, clapping his hands in content. Astrid didn't lower her weapon for a second, but she looked at me once again.

"Is what Cicero saying true? The Night Mother, who supposedly only speaks to the person chosen as Listener, just spoke, right now…to _you_?" She queried in doubtfulness, but I nodded and cleared my throat.

"Yes, everything Cicero has said is true, she did speak to me. She has commanded me to speak with a man named Amaund Motierre, in Volunruud." I said, still confused about my own previous feelings and actions, rather than the Night Mother speaking to me. The conversation between me and Astrid continued she didn't seem to like the Night Mother's wishes, or the fact that I had been named Listener. She suggested that I speak with Nazir, and give her some time to think about this. She left without another word leaving Cicero and I alone in the room…alone. I felt my face get warm; my dirty thoughts that ran through my mind embarrassed me to no end. Did I really want him to do _those_ things? I stood here now, and was not as attracted or drawn to him as I had been minutes ago. That _thing_ that overtook my body, just as it did as I killed my victims; it was a whole different person, if it was even a person at all. It had produced such…peculiar feelings. I flinched as I realized Cicero came up extremely close to me, putting his hands on my shoulder and turning me to face him. My face grew warm as his smile disappeared and he looked at me with sad and concerned eyes. His eyes looked at my neck, noticing the bruises that appeared there. His eyes widened and his fingers brushed against them; I shivered and gave out a shaky breath.

"Did…did Cicero do this?" he questioned me sadly, looking at his hand in horror. He rubbed my neck softly, eliciting another shudder from me. "Oh, dear Cicero is sorry, sweet Listener…he…he didn't know, he didn't mean to…"

"It's okay, really Cicero, it's my fault. I violated the Night Mother's coffin, I deserved it." I said sadly. Cicero took my hand and shook his head furiously.

"No, no, no! Cicero is the only one at fault! You are the Listener, if you hadn't been in the coffin, Cicero would have never known that the Listener was here all along; that the kind stranger from the road would be the great and powerful Listener!" he replied and let go off my hand after noticing he was holding it. I slightly missed his touch. "Cicero, apologizes Listener, please forgive him." He bowed, taking his jester's hat off. I smiled and brought his face up to look at me. I smiled at him.

"Of course I forgive you Cicero." I said motherly; a hint of that unknown force still surging through me.


	7. New Questions, New Feelings

**A/N: So yeah, I'm gonna try Cicero's POV, we will see how it goes. What's wrong with me? I never update this fast! Some of you are like, "then update the fate that binds us…" and I'm like, "yeah, we'll see XD" I just had such a good idea for this story and the ideas just keep flowing. I have to do this before I get back to Invader Zim people.**

_Cicero's POV:_

The Listener soon left after she had forgiven foolish Cicero's actions; stupid Cicero, how could he have hurt the poor Listener like that? She certainly seemed…distant and wary ever since our deadly encounter. Cicero had never meant to hurt the kind Listener, no! The Listener had been kind to Cicero…Cicero trusts the Listener…Cicero has never trusted anyone like this before; Cicero was always very private and usually didn't speak of his private life, but when he had met the Listener, she had been kind and caring to poor Cicero; she chased away his…_my_ solitude.

Oh yes, poor Cicero had been alone, so very alone, when he was in Bravil with the Night Mother. He was abandoned, yes abandoned, by the others of the Sanctuary; leaving him to take care of the Night Mother alone. Cicero had grown lonely, feeling empty without any company, but he had Mother, oh yes, he indeed had the Mother! But, the sweet Night Mother had never spoken to Cicero, even when he begged and begged her to grace him with her wondrous voice…He would only hear the silence as never ending as the Void ring in his ears, giving him nothing but disappointment. The silence haunted him, _taunted _him with its cruelness. It tortured Cicero to his breaking point, and Cicero just wanted the silence to end! Even though Cicero would do anything for the Night Mother, she never once spoke to poor Cicero, but then she graced him with another gift, yes, one that could help Cicero escape from the maddening silence! He was given the jester's laugh! Yes! The poor jester from long ago, who Cicero had killed in service to the Mother, filled his head with the joyous laughter! Cicero had thanked the Night Mother for her kindness, but soon the gift began to consume poor Cicero until it completely devoured him! No longer Cicero the man, I became Cicero: the Fool of Hearts, laughter incarnate! Ha ha ha!

But…Reza…the Listener, she was so kind, so nice, so understanding; Cicero felt comfortable around her. It was as if she saw my loneliness, saw how alone I felt, and filled me with more than just laughter. She had reached out to Cicero when no one else would; as if she understood. As if she shared in my emptiness…before Cicero had met her, he had felt so isolated; then she reached out to him, comforting him; filling the hollowness he felt in his heart. No one would ever listen to foolish Cicero, but she did. When Cicero spoke of his past, she didn't run. When Cicero spoke of his lunacy, she didn't turn away. Even when Cicero caused her harm, she didn't ignore him. She _listened_, heh, as the _Listener_ should! She made Cicero…_me_ feel so…jubilant, so…happy.

She did more than just listen, she also identified herself within Cicero; she told him of their similarities. She too, was being afflicted by something, she told Cicero of her thinning sanity. She had spoken to Cicero in the meadow, she told him of some great force that took over her; that controlled her actions. She told Cicero that the strange force took over when she was ready for a kill; that it was the cause of all the people she had killed and it was not something of her own free will. Cicero, in honesty, thought that this was very comical. She was saying that she didn't _want_ to kill people! Surely she was pulling Cicero's leg! Cicero didn't believe her…that is, until now.

Minutes ago, as Cicero was squeezing her throat, he saw something change in her; something that frightened Cicero a bit. Her expression had changed from distraught, to something else entirely! She had begun to smile coyly and Cicero saw her teeth become sharper; her body language changed from terrified to…Cicero doesn't even know what…she touched Cicero's chest, clustering up the fabric in her fingers. Not in fear, but in…something else…and her eyes. Cicero knew something was wrong when he looked into her eyes. They were no longer the emerald green eyes he had known, but they were a bloody crimson, that glowed cryptically; staring into his own eyes…Cicero knew something was wrong and was about to let go before Reza, or whoever was in front of him, whispered the Binding Words to him…The words she spoke, in that voice…they were not her own, but someone else completely! It didn't even sound like her voice! Her voice was smooth and melodic; this voice was crazed and malevolent. She was right; something was, indeed, inside her, but what? And what Cicero wanted to know was why it had took over her while she was with Cicero, for, didn't she say it only came out when she killed her targets?

*0*

_Reza's POV:_

_Why? Why do I keep thinking about him?_ I thought to myself as I lay on my bed; bringing up the furs to cover my blushing face. Ever since my dangerous encounter with Cicero, I have felt an overwhelming sense of embarrassment. Those…strange thoughts still haunted me. I felt my face grow hotter as I imagined his furious appearance; how his amber eyes boiled in rage, and melted my heart. I imagined what _would_ have happened if I hadn't gained back control of my body. I shuddered. Gods, what was wrong with me? I didn't really want _that_ did I? Did I want _that _from Cicero? I mean, it's wasn't that I didn't like Cicero. In fact, I did like him. He was gentle, thoughtful, compassionate, and he always made me smile. Coming into Skyrim, I had such a feeling of destitute, so secluded, but he changed that. He made me smile when I thought that the gods had forsaken me. He was the light in a dark cavern and the purple mountain flower in a patch of deathbells. He was insane, but I was losing my sanity too! He might have been crazy, but I still enjoyed his company! He was…my friend…but these strange feelings made me think of him in another perspective. He _was_ attractive; I would be lying if I said I didn't notice it before. His strong, chiseled features, his fiery red hair, his devilish and mischievous smile; they were very pleasing to the eye…his eyes, those perfect amber orbs that glistened in the flicker of a candlelit room; I shivered just thinking about them! Being around him often, I knew that he was well toned, despite being shorter than other men. I silently wondered what he would look like with his shirt off and felt my cheeks grow warm. I blinked the image out of my mind. I was so confused, what were these feelings? Would I always feel this way? How would I act when I saw Cicero again? Was it me who caused me to feel like this, or was it that strange energy that took over my actions?

Whatever these feelings were, they made me feel so…odd…I decided to get some rest; hopefully I could find solace in a decent dream…


	8. The Mirror, Once Again

**A/N: BOTTOM IS IMPORTANT. Literally, the last line in that last page was "I decided to get some rest; hopefully I could find solace in a decent dream…" And I was saying to myself, HA! NOPE! Enjoy, oh and I did update The Fate That Binds Us ;)**

I'm serious about the bottom A/N though; read it IT'S SUPER IMPORTANT

*0*

It was dark; darker than the Void itself, and as silent as the night. I couldn't see a thing; I attempted to call out to someone, but I couldn't even hear my own voice in the empty space; surrounded by silence. I couldn't feel anything; I didn't know if I was standing, or if I was up or down. All I could see, feel, and hear was nothing; it was just utter nothingness and I didn't know how to react to it. It could have been days, hours, or minutes, but a spot of light entered the dark space; illuminating a single mirror, with golden rims surrounding its oval shaped frame. The sight of the object allowed fear to seep through me. This couldn't be happening again, yet I felt my legs solidify into tangible features. I felt my fear holding me back, yet my curiosity pulling me toward the only light in this desolate place; wherever I was. I approached it carefully, breathing in deep, yet erratic breaths as I paused just before I entered the light. My head was hung low and my eyes were shut tight as I was only mere inches away from the mirror. I swallowed, fearing what I knew I would see. I was afraid and just wanted to turn back into the darkness, but I also wanted answers…

My muscles relaxed and my eyes opened slowly, as my head began to bring itself up; ready for the person who she would see, and she was correct. There, in the mirror a malevolent reflection of herself peered back at her. Its grin was wide and wild; malicious in intent. The eyes in the reflection were glowing madly, its crimson color as bright as the light in this dark space. The reflection moved its head from side to side slowly; I began to feel anxious and I felt my heartbeat increase in pace as I looked at the disturbing figure in the mirror, knowing the reflection was supposed to be me in there, but it wasn't me…The figure was crazed and looked back at me with such a predatory gaze.

"_Hello there! It's such a pleasure~"_ the reflection spoke to me in such a twisted voice. What was this thing that I saw in the mirror? I took a deep breath; I needed answers.

"Are you the reason I have…" I paused, somehow unable to speak of my shameful crimes, "…kill others…" I finished in a hushed whisper. I saw the vindictive figure continue to smile with that evil grin; giving off an amused chuckle.

"_You could say that, but it would technically be a lie~" _it replied maliciously; taunting me. I began to feel angry from the confirmation, whatever it was had completely destroyed my life and I was infuriated. My reflection seemed to notice and started giggling madly; clearly entertained by my struggle.

:You, you did this to me! Why? You've destroyed my life, everything that I held dear to me, the life that I had loved so much; eradicated by you!" I growled angrily at the figure who simply continued smiled, revealing its sharp teeth.

"_Me? No, it wasn't. I'm simply an enforcer~" _it replied to me in a confused tone. My rage only grew more prevalent and I began shouting erratically at the face in the mirror.

"Answer me with straight answers! Tell me, who, no what are you!? Why do you make me do such horrid things!?" I roared at my demonic reflection, whose smile only grew wider. Its bloody eyes closed and opened again as it tilted its head to one side.

"_You'll find out soon enough…Reza~" _it chuckled darkly, darkness quickly surrounding the mirror and the red eyes still peering at me through the shadow of darkness. I felt the ground beneath me disappear from right under me. I began to fall and I tried to claw for something to grab on and found nothing. My vision was obsolete as I continued my descent to my impending doom as that horrific and evil laughter still rang in my ears, until it all went quiet. I tried to scream, but was deaf to it as the silence and darkness surrounded me once again until there was nothing.

I woke up with a pool of sweat soaking my pillow; another nightmare. _Great_, yet this time it was different. I sat up, recollecting my memory of the dream. I remembered all the words the mysterious figure in the mirror had told me. It was the cause of my madness and the cause of me killing all those people, and enjoying it. I didn't know whether to be relieved or even more frightened by the new information presented to me about my internal struggle. I still had so many questions that were not answered, and what about the last thing it said to me? "You'll find out soon enough"? What was that supposed to mean anyway? I breathed in calm and deep breaths trying to calm myself from the horrid nightmare. Suddenly, I heard I slight detection of footsteps, I looked toward the entranceway to the room and soon, I saw Cicero poke his head in experimentally. I instantly felt a rush of heat go to my face.

"Oh, the Listener is awake in the middle of the night once again. Did she heat the Mother's voice? Or did she perchance have another nightmare?" he asked in his high pitched tone. He stepped fully inside, he placed a candle that he had been holding down on the dresser; then sat himself comfortably next to me on my bed. I felt uncomfortable and instantly wanted to slide away, but I didn't have any room to. I swallowed as he brushed a few hairs from my face, his ungloved fingers grazing my cheek. I was glad that it was mostly dark in the room so that he couldn't see how red I must have been. I was still embarrassed about our escapade from earlier and had trouble looking him in the eyes. He nudged me slightly; still waiting for his answer.

"Oh, w-well, yeah, it was another bad dream…" I replied hurriedly, still incredibly uncomfortable from his presence. He frowned at me and became silent for a moment before continuing to speak to me differently.

"Was it…the monster again?" He asked seriously, his gaze concentrated on me and my answer. I looked at him and nodded slowly.

"The monster…it's the cause of my disturbance in my mental stability. It has something to do with the pleasure I get from killing others… It…it's in me or something, and I don't know what to make of it, and…" I had started, but Cicero quickly silenced me with an embrace. He held me in his arms gently and I realized that I was crying again…I was so scared, and I didn't know how to deal with it. My mind had been racing with such trivial thoughts, yet when Cicero held me like this…comforted me in this way, I just felt…at peace. He made me feel so calm when all my anxiety built up into a huge cage that trapped me in my own worry. This comfort…felt so…nice…I let my eyelids shut and a small and warm smile bloomed on my face. I felt my cheeks get warm, but I didn't seem to mind. All I wanted was to stay like this forever, and not have to deal with anything else. Just to be at peace like this, with Cicero holding me as my head rested on his chest; his heartbeat rhythmically calming me. Just like this…

"Cicero already told the Listener she was not a monster…" I heard him say softly…

*0*

_Cicero's POV_

She had fallen asleep in Cicero's arms she did, although; Cicero did not expect it. When Cicero realized the Listener was sleeping, Cicero placed her gently in her bed. I covered the kind Listener with her blankets and brushed her silky golden stands away from her face to reveal her lovely face to my eyes. Oh Mother, you chose the perfect Listener…

Yet, Cicero still questions this "monster" inside the Listener, Mother.

Cicero knew once she spoke of it that she meant the strange person who had replaced her in your chambers, sweet Mother. That strange character had entranced Cicero and also sent a wave of fear too, and you know Cicero doesn't scare easily, Mother. Yet, whatever the Listener has been speaking of, it isn't her. No, the Listener is kind, thoughtful, and…lovely. Whatever _that_ had been, it wasn't the Listener. Whatever it was…I hope the Listener can find solace…somewhere. Mother, if you can hear humble Cicero, please help the Listener find her solace…

**A/N: Alright, listen up! Since this is a Cicero X Listener relationship, I have one question. One I have dreaded to this day…here it goes… ****Do you guys want a lemon? ****THERE I ASKED IT! *shiver* I usually keep this shit need to know basis, but it's whatever you guys want… I usually don't write about lemons because, I never wanted to be that person that constantly wrote smut T.T but whatever so, ask away.**

**AND REVIEW SERIOUSLY **


	9. Motierre

**A/N: Reviews appreciated, this is for NARNIA!**

"Hey are you listening to me!?" Astrid yelled; inches from my face. I suddenly flinched; blinking rapidly, suddenly escaping from my inner thoughts. The blonde Nord woman glared at me, her face plastered with an annoyed expression. I shrugged sheepishly as I took a step back, getting distracted was something Astrid wasn't too fond of. I awkwardly laughed and smiled apologetically and urged her to continue. I saw Astrid take one deep breath and close her eyes; I noticed that she really didn't want to talk to me at the moment.

"Since you went out to complete Nazir's contracts, I have been thinking about what you allegedly heard the Night Mother say…" she said simply, her arrogant tone lacing every word. _Allegedly?_ I wondered, _is she saying I had lied?_ I wanted to scoff, but I suppressed it. The very notion was ludicrous, I wouldn't lie to a leader, who did she think she was? Coming to me and conspicuously accusing me of lying to her, ha! She must be jesting. I hid my true thoughts under a façade, masking myself under it. I only nodded to her, indicating that she could continue. She took another _laborious_ breath and looked at me straight in the eye. She probably thought this pathetic form of intimidation was working, ha!

_Insolent fool~_

I shook again and turned my head quickly. What was that…that voice? No, it couldn't be…

"Reza! Pay attention, I'm giving you an order!" Astrid said angrily, again, my mind had wandered; distracting me… I shook my head and looked back into Astrid's eyes with equal intensity. She seemed slightly put off by my reaction and was the first to break the eye contact. I couldn't suppress a smile. She simply turned her head and huffed. "Go and speak with this Amaund Motierre, find out what he wants…" she stated. She went to turn away but then paused, without looking back at me, she added, "and report to me when you are finished…" With that, she left down the corridor leading to the inner Sanctuary. I didn't know why, but I felt so excited about this Motierre fellow, it seemed like something big was about to happen and I was going to be a part of it! It was all very exhilarating!

I began to pack some of my things for the trip, first putting on my leather Dark Brotherhood armor. I placed health potions, poisons, lockpicks, food, and other supplies for the trip. I strapped a Deadric dagger to my waist, sheathing the deadly weapon from sight. When all my packing was finished I put on a normal dress on top of my armor to be discreet; ditching my Brotherhood boots, gloves, and cowl to be able to appear to be slightly normal. People usually don't like it when someone with Dark Brotherhood armor on asks for assistance, so it was best to be in "disguise" so to speak. I looked around my room to see if I was missing anything, and being confident that I wasn't, I picked up my knapsack, slinging it over my shoulder, and starting to make my way to the door. Before I could exit the room however, I bumped into a red dressed figure that was blocking my path. I looked up to see Cicero's smiling face beam down at me. I knew that my cheeks were already flushed.

"Humble Cicero heard that the Listener was leaving to complete the Night Mother's task. Cicero knows that the journey to Volunruud will be a lengthy one, and the Listener will need her strength, so Cicero prepared the ever so kind Listener a sack of sweetrolls and carrots for the occasion." He said sweetly, handing me the small bag. He placed the small sack in my hands his gloved fingers slightly brushing over my own. I smiled the little innocent gesture was cute in a way, though it probably didn't mean much, but it made me so happy. I wasn't sure what to think of it, but I acted instinctively, wrapping my arms around Cicero in a gentle embrace. He was slightly hesitant but he returned the action.

"Thank you Cicero, you really are a kind Keeper." I said warmly, breaking the lovely encirclement. He chuckled at my statement, his laughter was simply divine and his hand lowered, pointer finger extended. He gently dabbed my little nose with the finger, causing me to feel my cheeks burn from the strange action. He smiled deviously and his amber eyes pierced my inner being, sending a shiver through my body, decorating my skin with tiny bumps of gooseflesh.

"Ahh, but the wonderful Listener is _much_ kinder than the silly jester." He argued playfully; then brought his hands around his back, continuing to smile gently. I returned the smile and went to make my way out of the Sanctuary, but his voice prevented me from going any further. "You must return my Listener, I had searched for so long…now that I have found you, I will not accept it if you should perish…you must return my Listener…humble me, promise me that you'll return." I heard Cicero ask seriously. I was frozen; feeling his burning gaze on my back. I couldn't think, or talk, nor move, yet his words caressed my mind. I noticed that he had not referred to himself in third person, and that he said, "My Listener"…_my_, as in _his_ Listener. I didn't know what meaning was given in his words, but I couldn't concern myself with them now, so I just nodded.

"I promise…" I whispered softly without turning around, and continued to exit the Sanctuary. Upon my exit I walked to Falkreath, hiring a carriage to take me to the Whiterun hold. I knew the journey was going to be long, so I decided to take the time to catch up on lost sleep I had given up from my nightmares.

*0*

Two weeks in a carriage would make you want to kill yourself. I stepped down from the carriage and stretched, my bones creaking and muscles aching from the long journey. I cracked my neck and took in one long deep breath. After paying the carriage driver, I stopped over at the Bannered Mare to get myself a drink. I preferred juice or water over mead, since mead always gave me such a headache. I was hit on by the bard who I quickly rejected, yet he still persisted. I was growing irritated by the "smooth talker's" attempts at flirting. I wanted to leave but he insisted I stay, blocking my path from the door.

"Get lost bard!" I said, annoyed by the stubborn man. I tried to walk past him, but he suddenly grabbed my left wrist and twisted it around my back. I squealed in pain from the unexpected attack and I struggled against him as he lowered his head to my ear; hearing him snicker.

"I suggest the little lady orders a _bedroom_…" he snickered into my ear. His voice implied such disturbing and filthy actions. His vile breath smelled of mead, and his despicable suggestion caused my anger to rise. I felt something in me snap and I quickly found myself with my Deadric dagger pressed against his chest, while my arm that was once in his grasp was squeezing around his throat. I heard the patrons in the Inn turn their attention to us. The man in my grasp was whimpering, his eyes wide with fear. I heard an unearthly growl come from me as my eyes burned in hatred. I could feel a hateful smile creep on my face. I traced my tongue around my teeth, and inside, I was surprised to notice that they were inexplicably sharp, like tiny daggers. My mind clouded and I felt myself losing myself to the voice that kept repeating the same phrase over and over.

_Kill him~ _

_Kill him~_

_Kill him~_

_Cut him! Stab him~_

_His blood, spill it, paint the walls with it! A masterpiece~_

_Taste the sweet sensation of murder~_

_Allow it to consume you, become you~_

_KILL HIM~_

Through the fog I heard a scream, felt a warm liquid covering my hands, felt something heavy fall from my grasp. Heard screams of terror around me, yet saw nothing. I felt my body move, out of the Inn, out of Whiterun, to the wilderness. I felt my hands tear through the dress I was wearing, revealing my Dark Brotherhood armor. I felt my hands, feet, and head being covered by what I assumed to be the other parts of the armor. I felt, tasted, and heard all these things, yet I could not see, it was like looking through someone else's eyes. I saw myself and felt myself walking through the wild, but hadn't asked to, or told myself to. I saw myself gut a pack of wolves without as much as a second thought, wiping my blade on the grass. I approached an old structure, a cairn, a tomb of sorts. I myself open the doors to the antediluvian tomb, stepping inside to the draugr infested place, killing a pathetic skeleton as it poorly attempted to destroy me. I walked around turning right, following the path of dead draugr. I looked towards a door that I was cryptically drawn to; I stepped lightly to it, pausing. Upon opening the doors, I saw a man with dark brown hair, with an Imperial dressed man behind him. The man sighed in relief; apparently he was waiting for me. I approached him and smiled he suddenly wore a put off expression, obviously seeing my strange dagger-like teeth.

"You must represent the Dark Brotherhood, I can see why…" he coughed, saying it more to himself then I, or whoever I was. "This dreadful Black Sacrament thing, it worked." He said as I remained silent. He explained to me that he had several contacts that he wanted us to eliminate, with each one had a specific way to do so. He spoke passionately and I was growing restless as he finished, "The real reason I am speaking with a cutthroat in the bowels of this detestable crypt. For I seek the assassination of…the Emperor!" he said histrionically. I just scoffed; he made it sound it sound like such a difficult and immense task. _He's so pathetic~ Does he not think that I may be able to do such a task~ Impudent fool~_ that obscure voice thought in replace of me. The man, who I identified quickly as Amaund Motierre, raised an eyebrow at my actions, he then snapped his fingers and his bodyguard handed me a note and a jeweled amulet. "These will cover any and all expenses, take them to your…um…superior." He said, finally finished speaking with me.

I exited the crypt and stuffed the objects given to me into the knapsack I carried. I continued to make my way back to Falkreath, but I soon saw a bandit hideaway, which conveniently had a horse, just begging to be stolen. I smiled darkly. Their deaths were quick. Their horse wasn't a bad runner either. I cackled as the wind blew through my blood stained hair. Whatever plan the Night Mother had, I knew it was going to be absolutely…

_Entertaining~_

*0*

The rhythmic clopping of hooves to stone woke me up. I opened my eyes only to see the brightness of the morning sun penetrate my pupils. Where was I? I rubbed my eyes and saw myself on an unfamiliar horse on a stone road. My peaceful wakening was then disrupted by a horrid pain surging through my skull. I cried out as tears began to make their way from my green eyes down my pale cheeks. The pain was agonizing; I clawed at my head as if desperate to get whatever was causing such horrible pain out. Tears still poured from my face, my cries of pain loud enough for all of Skyrim to hear. My breathing became shallow and rapid as the pain continued to torture me. After a few minutes the pain subsided and my breathing hitched as I continued to sob. When I was calm again, I tried to think of what I was trying to do. I remembered Amaund Motierre and his contract about the Emperor. I realized that I was on my way back to the Sanctuary. I looked at my surroundings and was worried until a sign indicated that I had passed Rorikstead and was in the correct direction to Falkreath. I sighed and grabbed the reigns of the horse I was riding on. I guided the creature, urging it to gallop, which it did willingly.

For the next twelve days, I rode the horse back to Falkreath, thinking along the way. I tried to remember all that I had done when I entered Whiterun, yet it was very hazy. It wasn't that I couldn't remember, I did remember, it was just fuzzy, like the memories were not my own. It was then I realized that that _thing_ had been in control the whole time. I was astounded by the concept. That _thing_ was able to control my body for such a period of time. The other times, I noticed, that the cryptic force took over me only endured for a short burst. Like when I…no _it_ killed people…the strange notion that the obscure force had been able to control me for that duration of time puzzled me, yet also frightened me. If it indeed had controlled me that long and was not able to do it before…was it progressively gaining control longer? And if so…

Would it eventually take full control?

The thought was incredibly perplexing and too fearful to even think about. I decided to ignore it, just until I could finish what the Night Mother wanted, and I could return to normal…

*0*

_Cicero's POV:_

It's been four weeks since the Listener left, sweet Night Mother…No, no, Cicero shall not worry! Cicero heard her promise, she promised she would be back, and the kind Listener would never lie to gullible Cicero, no! Cicero is patient, yet impatient for the Listener's return Mother. Cicero wonders if she is hurt, if he should go out looking for her, but he knows he can't. No, Cicero has to stay to take care of Mother, of course, but Cicero still wonders…

And what about you, hmm?

Have you found out what plagues the poor Listener's mind?

What makes the nice and lovely Listener to turn into such a, demonic thing?

The Listener is very displeased with whatever it is, it upsets her so. Surely you don't want your Listener to be upset now, do you? No, you couldn't possibly! So, Night Mother, please, Cicero begs you, Cicero would cut off his own hand in order for the Listener to find peace, to be happy…Oh, Listener…

*0*

_Reza's POV:_

I never I thought I would be so happy to enter the Sanctuary in my life. My back was stiff from sleeping on boards and horses for the past four weeks and I couldn't wait to sleep in my own bed. I stumbled down the stairs and saw Astrid through the hallway, when she saw me, she ran over to me, clearly eager to hear what I learned.

_Finally~_

I shook myself from that voice and concentrated on Astrid.

"So, did you meet Motierre? What did he have to say?" she asked impatiently, her eyes filled with curiosity.

"I did…he wants us to kill…the Emperor." I told her, handing her the letter and the amulet, explaining to her that they were for the expenses. With celerity, she read the letter, her smile growing as she continued reading. She then began to laugh maliciously as she finished.

"To kill the Emperor of Tamriel," she laughed, "the Dark Brotherhood hasn't done a thing like that since the assassination of Pelagius, or Uriel Septim! I don't know exactly what's going on, if you're the Listener, or this is some fluke, or what, but what we have now before us…"

"So we're accepting the contract?" I interrupted; she looked at me questioningly and laughed again.

"You're damn right we'll accept it! If we pull this off, the Dark Brotherhood will know a fear and respect we haven't seen in centuries. You think I'd abandon an opportunity to lead my family to glory?" she stated, she then continued, telling me that this was all so much to take in and she needed time to look over the letter again, she then instructed me to seek Delvin Mallory about the amulet's price. I nodded, telling her I would do it as soon as I was ready to, walking past her to enter further into the Sanctuary. I passed by everyone without saying a word, I just wanted to fall into my bed and relax. When I turned right to enter the room, I smiled, seeing my comfortable bed calling me into a most divine nap, yet I yelped when I felt someone spin me around into a little dance. I blushed, knowing right away that it was Cicero, and I giggled as we continued our little dance. We finished and I sighed in content, I looked up to see his sweet smile and perfect amber eyes look back at me.

"I kept my promise." I told him softly, noticing his hands were still interlinked with mine. His warm smile grew and he nodded slowly.

"Cicero knew the Listener would, the lovely Listener always keeps her word." He said happily. I felt my heart flutter, he had called me lovely. It probably was nothing, but calling me that made me feel so happy, and I didn't know why. My thoughts were incoherent and I felt myself grow warmer within.

"Say that again…" I whispered so softly that I couldn't even hear myself say it, yet Cicero's ears were more trained than my own and he gave a questionable 'hm' in response, I realized that I had blurted that out and felt even more embarrassed by my words. I wanted to hide under a rock and wait until he left, but I felt frozen in place, taking in everything. His strong hands that held my hands ever so gently, his wonderful and attractive features that made my soul burn, his scent that captivated my senses; I couldn't escape from him, I couldn't pull away from him, so I said it again.

"Say that…again…" I repeated to him, and in his eyes I saw he knew what I meant, and he leaned down closer to me, so that we were face to face. He paused and looked deep into my eyes, those glistening amber hues that gazed into emerald green. My half-lidded eyes gazed back, my heart beating rapidly in my chest, he was so close, and I was getting lost in his gaze. He seemed to lean even closer…so, so close…

"…_Lovely Listener…_" he whispered, his voice beautifully enunciating each word. His voice intoxicated me like a poison that made me crave it more, that lovely voice drowning out the world and bringing me to the edge. I leaned closer…

"Cicero! Take your damn tools and oils off my work bench!" we heard Arnbjorn shout, his voice echoing through the Sanctuary, Cicero, suddenly backed away, removing his hands from mine, leaving my hands free to collect the cold from the Sanctuary. He didn't look at me for a moment, and I just stared at him, a little breathless, blushing hard. He then lifted his gaze to me.

"It looks like foolish Cicero has made a mistake once again." He sated, then bowed to me, "Listener…" he finished before exiting to deal with Arnbjorn. I simply stared at where he once was before I collapsed into my bed; spread out and rested the back of my right hand on my forehead, my cheeks still flushed from what had just occurred. I breathed in deep breaths, imagining what was about to happen. My heart fluttered at my imagination, replaying the scene over and over, his voice, calling me the, "lovely Listener". Oh Gods, what was happening to me? Why did I act this way around Cicero? What was it that made me feel this way, these strange, yet wonderful feelings about him? Why was I afraid, yet wanted more, of these feelings? What would happen if it continued? If that _thing_ ever took over, what would it do? I was afraid of the answer as my mind continued to replay the previous scene, over and over, and over, and over…

_Cicero~_

**A/N: Review…oooo, what's gonna happen to the Listener? Will she like it?**


	10. Wedding Bells

**A/N: THOSE WHO READ MY IZ FANFIC I PROMISE TO UPDATE THIS WEEKEND! I just had ACT and play stuff to do so I PUCKing didn't have any time fo' 'dis. So just PUCK off, here's your chapter.**

"The Elder Council... Oh, now that explains quite a bit. Motierre, you naughty, naughty boy. Hiring the Dark Brotherhood to help you rise beyond your station. Delicious!" Astrid chortled, glaring devilishly at the amulet in her hands. It had been just as she ordered; I went to Delvin Mallory in questioning the value of the little trinket Motierre had given as payment for the expenses. He had been very surprised, seeing as it had belonged to someone in the Elder Council, the fear in his eyes was faint, yet I could see that he was afraid of ask from whom we obtained such an object from. It seemed that Astrid was pleased with the charm touching its golden rims, looking at her reflection in the glistening ruby. She greedily looked at it, satisfied with its price. She then looked towards me, and smiled again. She chuckled and smiled widely at me. She approached me, chuckling as she did so, her blonde hair vibrating with each laugh. "This is Splendid. Then we're ready to begin. Or, more specifically, you're ready to begin. After all, you're the one the Night Mother spoke to. Now then. I hope you have something nice to wear. Because you're going to a wedding." She said confidently. I was taken aback. _A wedding? _I wondered. It was different, I'd never even been to a wedding before, never mind kill someone at one.

"A-a wedding?" I stammered, my emerald eyes teeming with confusion. She evilly chuckled again, and nodded.

"Well, more like the public reception. It should be a lovely affair. You'll mingle with the guests, eat some cake... stab the bride. Oh yes. You've got to kill the bride. At her wedding. And they say romance is dead." She joked, using an ironic play on words. I was unsure about how to feel with this new contract I had been given to carry out. I was very anxious to know who I was to kill.

"Who's the contract?" I asked hurriedly, uneasy about the new assignment. If her grin could have gotten any larger, it had; it appeared that she was fond of this particular target.

""Her name is Vittoria Vici." She told me, "She oversees the East Empire Company's business holdings in Solitude. The wedding is being held in that city, at the Temple of the Divines. Her death will cause an uproar, which is exactly what we want." I nodded at each statement she made as she went into detail with my contract. She informed me of a possible bonus that I could receive if I killed her while she spoke to her guests. In my mind I was racing through the outcomes, possibilities, and the risks. Vittoria Vici was to be killed in public; sure, I had made some narrow escapes before. Yet I usually filled out contracts at night, when I couldn't see, so that I couldn't see the horrors I committed…

In all honesty, I secretly regretted ever leaving my home that fateful night. If I had just stayed like a good girl, I wouldn't have been in my current situation. I wouldn't be taking the lives of others. "Normal" people would probably tell me that I didn't _have_ to kill, that it was a choice…they don't understand…the can never understand…It's inside of me…a monster…a monster I am in no control over. The urges, the actions, the killings: all done by that dark force inside my mind. I...I don't know what to think anymore. I feel remorse after every death that is caused by my hand. I am disgusted with the monster that takes pleasure in such actions…it's not me…it cannot be me! I'm….I…I am innocent…

"Hey, you're going off to kill Vittoria Vici, right?" I heard a voice that intonated the voice of a child. I sighed as I realized Babette had interrupted my inner thoughts. I turned to the vampire who looked up at me with a plain, un-amused expression. I smiled lightly and nodded. She scoffed, not entirely comfortable with me yet. She took a deep breath and continued looking at me with a dispassionate look. "I think I can help you." She stated, continuing her statement with a wise tone. " The wedding reception is outside the Temple of the Divines, right? In Solitude? If so, the bride will probably address the crowd from the balcony. It overlooks the courtyard. Well, there's an old statue there. I've seen it. Hanging right over where she'll be standing. Old means weak. Weak means it could fall. Hmmm?" she finished, lifting an eyebrow. I took the hint immediately and knew what she wanted me to do, yet I was confused, why was she helping me? She didn't seem to be interested in me when I had first come to the Sanctuary; in fact, it seemed she loathed me for some particular reason. Then it hit me, I had been wandering the Sanctuary for a while, with my loathsome thoughts about myself. I had probably seemed upset and the little vampire must have thought I was upset about the contract! This recognition made me incredibly happy; she had been concerned about me! I smiled down at her gratefully and I felt so giddy that I acted on impulse and wrapped my arms around the child. I heard her gasp in surprise and fidget in the friendly embrace.

"Thanks Babette, this means a lot to me." I said gratefully. She fidgeted more and grunted in her strain to get out of my grasp.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, just let go of me you insane, insufferable twit!" she said, irritation evident in her voice. I laughed a bit before releasing her. She exaggerated a cough and turned abruptly to leave the room.

"Thank you Babette…" I said seriously. She paused before in front of the doorway that entered the bedrooms.

"…Your welcome…" she answered quickly as well as quietly, venturing out to the beds. I smiled and decided to get a move on and begin my contract.

*o*

I stood over the balcony, letting the wind of Skyrim brush against my pale skin. The wondrous wind caressed my features and calmed my rapid beating heart as I knelt above Vittoria and her husband. I looked down with green eyes as I started shaking, nervousness enveloping my body. I had to do it, push the gargoyle and eliminate the target, it was my job, and I had to do it. Then why was it so hard to do? I could tell that her speech would be ending soon; Vittoria was running out of things to say.

_Push it~_

I…I…I can't.

_Why!?~_

I-I don't know! She, she just seems so happy. It's her wedding day, she's so happy! The man she loves is with her and they haven't even been two inches apart for the whole festivity. I-I saw the way she looked at him. She was in love with him, her eyes called to him, taking in his presence and everything about him. They looked at each other with such affection and it seemed that they had a glow about them. They appeared to be the only two in the world and their smiles were only glimpses of how they truly felt. They were beautiful…how can I destroy something so beautiful? If one died, they both died, without each other, they would feel only despair, something some consider to be more painful than death itself…how can I do something as horrid as that? Kill such pureness? Such goodness? They have done no wrong, their souls are clean…it's my soul that's tainted with the blood of the innocent, how can I annihilate such purity?

_Simple~_

At that moment my head began to pound in such excruciating pain that I groaned, almost giving away my position. A powerful force was swirling around me, attempting to claim my mind. This force surrounding me was all too familiar to me. _No_, I said to myself, trying to fight it. My hands flew to my head, where my fingers buried themselves into my skull, squeezing the skin as the pain continued to spread. No, I mustn't! I cannot lose myself! I shut my emerald eyes tightly, I started shaking ferociously and my jaw clenched as my teeth gritted against one another. The searing pain was all over my body and I felt like I was dying, but I mustn't give in! I…must…stay…myself…

_Fool~_

My eyes flew open and they burned in hatred. The pain quickly disappeared and a cloudy haze went over my mind. All was quiet for a moment then I felt my neck forcefully tilt to one side, cracking the vertebrae. I then heard a dark and almost demonic giggle come from me. Oh gods, what is this?!

"_You're no longer in control now, and it would be best if you didn't struggle~ So please, sit back and watch the fun~" _the dark voice coming from me continued and I panicked realizing that I was no longer in control of my body. I saw as my head turned to the gargoyle, hearing another chuckle. I tried to move my body as I continued to step closer to the statue. I didn't want this!

"Let me go!" I shouted, yet the words did not come out of my mouth. I looked in fear as my hands began to push the stone, pushing it and feeling the weak stone glide with ease. I struggled to regain control yet grew tired with each attempt. This wasn't happening! This can't be happening! The statue was now above the edge. "NOOOOOOOOO!" I screamed before the large stony figure fell, before I heard the cracking of bones and the sloshing of blood, before I heard the terrified screams, before I heard the insane laughter, before I blacked out…

*o*

My eyes opened slowly and I was back in the Sanctuary, I looked around with my eyes; completely confused. I was in my bed and the covers were draped over me. I sat up in the bed and rubbed my eyes. It took about a minute of slow breathing to retrieve my last memory. I gasped and quickly twisted my hands around and gave my hands an experimental squeeze. It seemed that I had regained control of my body and I sighed as I fell back on the bed, cupping my face in my hands. I was incredibly confused, what had happened? How did I get back to the Sanctuary? I didn't understand what was happening to me and I got frustrated. I hit the mattress and decided to scream into a pillow. Divines, why have you allowed this to happen? What did I do to deserve this? I never wanted any of this! I never wanted to be a ruthless and despicable killer! I wanted to be the good little twenty-three year old I was! I never asked for trouble! All I did was obey! I obeyed so that people would be proud and pleased with me! Now I was in the Dark Brotherhood Sanctuary, listening to the orders of a cadaver, while losing myself to a monster! _How long can this last?_ I wondered, feeling a tear drop down my cheek. _How long must I be tortured by this monster?_

At that moment I heard someone enter the room, I quickly looked up to discover that it was Gabriella peering at me from across the room.

"Ah, it seems that you are awake." She said plainly starting to make her way towards me. I sat up and inconspicuously wiped the tear away. She approached me and looked down on me with a look the emulated arrogance. "I have an assignment that you complete now since you seem, _fit for duty_." She said with a condescending tone. I raised an eyebrow and "hm'd" in response. She sighed and continued to speak, "You must have been drinking because you were incredibly insane, challenging everyone in the Sanctuary to a fight to the death. Veezara said you had been like that the whole trip, but I bet he was the one supplying you the mead, well, no matter, you are to complete the contract I assign to you, those are the orders from Astrid." I looked at her in such curiosity, I had never consumed mead before in my life, yet I had no recollection of anything between now and Vittoria's wedding. I analyzed everything Gabriella told me. If Veezara said that I was acting strangely during the trip, which meant I was conscious on the way back to the Sanctuary…I realized in fear that it was the monster that had taken over who was in place of me. I became frightened at this new discovery. Solitude was a three week trip; the monster had completely taken over me for three weeks! My judgments were correct; the periods where the cryptic force took over were increasing! This was bad, so terrible!

What if it takes over for good?

"Hey, are you still listening?" Gabriella said, obviously annoyed. I shook my head free and looked back to her. She was stamping her foot impatiently with her arms crossed. We both stayed silent for a moment as I calmed myself down. I took long, deep breaths.

"Who do I have to kill?" I asked. Gabriella had a look of disbelief on her face and she raised an eyebrow at me; then sighed sadly.

"I just told you: Gaius Maro!" She said in defeat.

**A/N: Okay, well, most of you guys say you want a lemon so *blushes* I-I-I'll do it…we're almost there guys just wait a few more days…**


	11. Bigger Problems

**A/N: Another day, another chapter…**

I silently followed Gaius Maro into the city of Markarth disguised as a citizen. I saw him despite the quick hustle and bustle of the city where blood was mixed with silver. I looked around the massive city in awe; the massive buildings towering above me. Its intricate paths and stairways that the citizens climbed without fault to arrive at their destination through the labyrinth of stairways. I almost lost the target when I was carelessly admiring the way the sun shined through the convoluted town. I followed him with sixty yards separating us, making sure I didn't come off as suspicious. I observed his movements as he entered Markarth's keep. I decided to follow no further and took out his schedule that I had, how do you say, "borrowed" from his home near Dragon Bridge. I looked at the document carefully, examining its components. When I looked and saw he was staying at the Silver-Blood inn later this evening. I decided to go there and wait for him to come…

I walked into the inn to see a couple of citizens already drunk from too much mead; the foam aligning their beards as well as the stench that emanated from their mouths. I winced remembering what happened to me in Whiterun…I needed to stay in control for this contract, I didn't want to lose myself anymore…if I had to kill someone, I wanted to be the one to do it, not some dark creature that inhabited my body. Though I wanted this, I was afraid, I was afraid to kill someone. If I ever admitted that at the Sanctuary, the others would laugh at me, giving me the, "you-have-already-killed-people-before" excuse…but they don't understand…it's not me who's killing those people, it's the demonic presence inside of me, that monster who takes pleasure in claiming another's soul, that enjoys the warm crimson liquid flooding all over its hands…not me…it's not me…

"Hey! You there! I need to ask you something!" A voice cut through my thoughts. I looked to the voice noticing it was the owner and barkeep calling out to me; I recalled his name was Kleppr from coming here for my contract with Muiri. I looked from side to side; then pointed to myself to see if he was talking to me. He nodded vigorously, "Yes, you! Come here! I request to speak with you!" I was confused, but approached him gradually; he stopped and looked over me, which made me feel uncomfortable. He stroked his chin in thought, after a few silent moments he finally spoke to me again, "As you have probably noticed, we have our hands full today, and I do not doubt even more guests will come tonight. I am requesting if you could give us a hand just for one day, you'll be paid, of course, and given appropriate…attire…" I winced at the word, "attire" knowing exactly what he meant by it. I pondered over the offer and I thought about the pros and cons of the offer. I might be harassed by drunks and possibly be unable to stay in control…but it gave me an opportunity to get close to Gaius Maro when he came…and it gave me something to do till then, so…

"Sure!" I said with fake enthusiasm, to which Kleppr smiled widely and rummaged around the bar till he found a 'uniform' I could wear.

"Great! Put this on and then start working" he said, I nodded and went to a vacant room, closing the door for privacy. I put on the outfit and was at a loss for what to do. I wanted to look in the mirror to see what horror I was wearing, but I was hesitant, afraid of whose reflection would be in the mirror. I felt a bead of sweat drip down my face in the candlelit room. _Just a quick look_, I said to myself, shutting my eyes tightly. I turned around with great celerity and peaked one eye open. I then opened both my eyes in shock, it wasn't the reflection that surprised me; it was the dress! An inaudible gasp escaped from me and my eye twitched at the vulgarity of the dress. The golden fabric barely covered my breasts; the leather corset perked my breasts up even further. Its golden fabric barely made it past mid-thigh, making me feel extremely uncomfortable. I was disturbed by the dress, the way it clung to my waist that brought out my curves. The dress was _not_ my style, it reminded me of a whore…but I would be lying if I said it didn't make me look as erotic as the goddess Dibella.

_I wonder what Cicero would think of this outfit~_

My breath was caught up in my throat, I turned my head behind me…it was the voice again. I concentrated so that I would remain in control…but I slowly looked back to the mirror and thought of what was just said. I felt my cheeks burn in embarrassment, imagining myself approach Cicero in such an outfit…I shook my head attempting to get such thoughts out of my mind. I decided to start working, though I knew it was going to be a _long_ day.

*0*

I saw Gaius enter around 10:30 in the evening. I observed him carefully as he took a seat near the fireplace. Through my concentration, I heard Kleppr yell at me to take his order; I growled inwardly and went over to him with a big, yet fake, smile. I could see that he was having a difficult time ordering as he kept staring at me. I mentally sighed, men are so weak…

"Could I start you off with some mead?" I tried to say sensually, but it turned to more of a child asking for candy than flirtatious, yet he didn't seem to care.

"I-I um, yes, that's fine." He choked out, returning his gaze to the fire; I went and began pouring mead into a mug. I had the incriminating letter in my bosom and I swore it had already given me a paper cut. I just needed to get close enough to him to place it on him, but how would I be able to do that?! I was lousy at trying to be sensual, so how was I supposed to get close enough to him to put the letter in his pocket!? Not to mention I was a lousy pit-pocket, so how would I be able to do that?! I began to sweat from all the people around me and the stress, what to do, what to do…What am I to do!?

_Let me handle thisss~_

No!

I surge of pain went through my mind as I tried to resist the force attempting to take control. I bit my lip trying to maintain control, but I was slipping, the pain was horrid and I felt like I was on the verge of collapsing from such pain. I couldn't take it, and I gave in to the power…

Turning, I knew I was smiling, my eyes were lidded and I walked with such an exotic sway that I felt every single man in the room stare at me. I was frightened, seeing myself walk and act in ways that I couldn't control, ways that were not mine. I felt as if I was in a dream, looking through someone else's eyes, not being in control, yet knowing what they were doing. I saw myself walk up to Gaius and I abruptly straddled him in the simple chair he sat in. I smiled curtly and took a swing of his mead, he stared at me with a startled and embarrassed expression, his blush still showing in the darkened room. He gulped and I lifted my hand to his face, making him watch as I slowly reached into my bosom, taking out a folded piece of paper, the incriminating letter. I watched his eyes as they looked from my breasts to the paper; I slowly reached the note to his pocket where I gently pushed the note into his pocket. He looked at me with a questionable expression and I held up a finger to my lips, and then bringing my lips to his ear.

"_It's where I live, you know, if you want to stop somewhere before you leave~"_ I heard the voice coming from me whisper seductively before licking his ear gently. I felt him shudder and I quickly got off of him, blowing him a kiss as I left, leaving his mouth agape as I strolled away.

*0*

It was 2:30 in the morning and everyone except the guests were gone. Everyone had retired for the night including Gaius himself. I had found his room and was hiding silently in the darkened corner of the room. It didn't take long for him to come into the room. I saw him close the door and I saw him start pacing back and forth in the room. He seemed to be mumbling to himself and taking worried breaths. I listened closely to hear him.

"…No I can't…I shouldn't, what about Faida? What would she think?...Well, she'd never know if I did…but what if she found out?...Well, she won't it's just a one night thing right?...I just do it once and then leave and it never has to get out right? Right? I just…mmmm…" I heard him say, noticing a little bulge coming from his intimate regions. "It's just a one night thing…just one…one…" he said breathlessly. I heard him take a breath and then saw him rummage through his pocket wildly, finding the letter and opening it. I saw myself spring out and tackle him, landing on his bed, pinning him to the bed, the note in his left hand, preventing him from reading it. He gasped when he saw me and I felt a dark smile come to my face. "I-I-I-I-I thought you would be a-at h-h-home!" he stammered to which I grinned even more.

"_I just couldn't keep myself from you~_" I heard the cryptic voice say, reaching a finger down to pet the bulge in his pants to which he took in a gasp as he felt my finger run over his clothed tip. "_Close your eyes and I'll make you feel like you've never felt before~"_ the voice continued. He obliged quickly and he panicked when his head was suddenly collided with a pillow. I saw myself press the pillow down firmly preventing any oxygen to come to his lungs. He squirmed beneath me, but was unable to free himself from my firm grip. His small screams were muffled by the pillow, thus allowing no one to hear him. I felt an evil smirk coming across my face as the minutes went on and his efforts to escape became slow and less effective. After a few minutes he stopped and I lifted the pillow away, putting the note back into his pocket as I humorously tucked him in. "_Hope you have a good night~" _I heard the voice say ironically, leaving the room.

*0*

I returned to the Sanctuary, happy that I was in control again, yet upset that I had lost it in the first place, no matter, I was going to take a long rest in my bed. I tired from everything that had been happening lately and I just wanted to rest for once. I opened the black door and stepped inside, hearing a lot of crazed yelling.

"What in Oblivion is going on?" I said to myself, descending the stairs. I then saw Gabriella run over to me her face surprised and slightly annoyed. "Maro's dead" I said to her and she nodded.

"Yes, I know, as does Astrid, you've earned your bonus, whatever…" she started in an annoyed tone, "but you should know that we have a more pressing matter to deal with." I looked at her questioningly, what in all of Tamriel was she talking about?

"What are you talking about?" I said, slightly worried about the answer. She looked at me with a slight expression of sympathy.

"It's…Cicero…There's been an incident. You should proceed into the Sanctu-" she started, yet couldn't finish as I ran past her into the depths of the Sanctuary. I ran, expecting to see a wounded Cicero, yet I saw Veezara on the ground, clutching a bloody wound. I raised an eyebrow and I felt someone grab my arm and pull me around. I was then staring into Astrid's angered eyes and she barred her teeth in fury.

"Maro is dead, I know. But we've got bigger problems right now!" She shouted at me.

"I know, I heard it had something to do with Cicero, is he alright?" I asked, completely worried. She looked at me like a third eye had suddenly grown on my face.

"Is, is _he_ alright!? You're asking _me_ about _his_ safety!? The fool went absolutely berserk! He wounded Veezara, tried to kill me, and then he fled. And you ask _me_ if _he_ is alright!?" she yelled in my face. I was frightened by her threatening words and I took a defensive position.

"Something must have set him off…" I said forwardly. She looked at me in surprise, aghast that I would insinuate something against her.

"No, nothing. At least nothing I'm aware of. Well... If I'm being honest, I haven't exactly been discreet lately in expressing my frustration with this whole situation. Obeying the Night Mother. You being the Listener. It's ridiculous. No offense. Cicero may have overheard me talking to one of the others about the Night Mother. It's possible I was... not entirely respectful. But to go this far. To attempt to murder the leader of a Sanctuary. Cicero must pay with his life. There is no other option." She said darkly. I felt a feeling of pain being sent through my chest. No…

"T-there must be some way to work this out…maybe if he-"

"NO!" she interrupted me, ""Look, the Dark Brotherhood is a family. This Sanctuary is a family. And, we've always welcomed those... shunned by society. Werewolves, wizards, eternal ten year-old vampires... what does it matter? In truth, I've rarely met a lunatic I haven't liked. Cicero's problem isn't his madness. It's an adherence to an ancient, outmoded way of life. The Night Mother's ways... simply are not our ways. He just couldn't accept that. And now he'll have to pay the price." I tried to search for a way out of this, something that could prevent him from his fate. I started to panic inwardly and I just couldn't find an answer. I kept my head low, staring down at the stone below me.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked, a tear forming on my face.  
""I want you to find that miserable little fool and end his life! But first... find my husband. Make sure he's all right. After the attack, Arnbjorn flew into a rage. When Cicero left... Arnbjorn went after him. They disappeared into the wild. Search Cicero's room. Maybe there's something in there that sheds some light on where he might have gone. Let me know the minute you find something." She ordered me. I quickly went up the stairs, passing the Night Mother's chambers and into Cicero's room. I looked around to see if I could find something, anything. I rummaged around his drawers when I noticed a red book with a little ribbon poking out of it from his nightstand near his bed. I touched the cover gently reading the words, "Cicero's journal: Volume 5, Final Volume". I opened it, opening it to the page that was bookmarked by the ribbon. I skimmed the page and saw that he had gone to Dawnstar, as well as the word for the Sanctuary. I closed the book and spoke to Astrid, she pleaded me to find her husband; then end Cicero's life. She left me her horse named Shadowmere to ride. My thoughts were incoherent as I ran out of the Sanctuary and beheld Shadowmere. Shadowmere galloped as I could only think of Cicero…

*0*

_Cicero's_ _POV:_

Cicero…Cicero has no fight left in him Mother…that damned dog, injuring poor Cicero like this, why have you let dear Cicero be hurt like this, Sweet Mother? All Cicero ever wanted was for you to be respected…and that pretender just insulted you and I like we were the worms in the dirt…dirty dirt…Cicero could have taken the insult; hold back from the blow the Mother's image, but that harlot…she even had the _nerve_ to slur and insult the Listener! When she said the Listener was just a useless and worthless person, and that she was just someone that went on suicidal missions…Cicero…he snapped. How dare she defile and debase the kind Listener!? Cicero acted on instinct and he would have sent that strumpet to the Void if the stupid lizard hadn't gotten in the way!

Now…now Cicero is alone…the Listener is sure to believe the lies that Astrid spreads…heh…it's funny…Cicero did it to defend the Listener and she will never know that. Cicero…I care for the Listener…She is the most wonderful person that Cicero has ever met…She listened to Cicero when no one else would, she liked Cicero, despite his insanity, despite his madness…she was…my only true friend…and now…now she would hate Cicero…hate him like everyone else did! She would never smile or dance with poor Cicero…I just wanted to make the Listener happy, to help her with whatever was inside her…Cicero only wanted the Listener to be happy…I just wanted her to be happy Mother…Oh, Mother, why must you torture me so? Listener…Cicero is sorry…

*0*

"Innocence, my brother." I responded to the black door outside of the Dawnstar Sanctuary; beneath a moonless sky.

"Welcome home…" it said to me in a raspy voice. I sprinted into the Sanctuary, seeing ghosts come out and I lifted my dagger to defend myself, for once, I was in control of my actions. I was surprised, yet had bigger things on my mind. I attacked each foe, yet my mind raced with thoughts of Cicero. Why? "Why" was the only question I had. Why did Cicero do this? Why did I not wish to kill him? Why did I enjoy his presence? Why did I enjoy his smile, his touch, his eyes, everything about him? Why was I crying just at the mere thought of killing him? Why was I afraid for him? Why did all those times he was with me that I couldn't think? Why did he make me feel so happy when I was with him? Why did he make me feel this way? Why did I want to keep feeling the same way I felt when he held me the night of my first nightmare, to be with him in that way, just us, alone?

My questions had distracted me so much that I hadn't noticed the door in front of me with a bloody handprint on it. I held my breath and slowly opened the door, to see a figure curled up on the floor. I saw his eyes peak open, and his expression went from pained to astonished as he saw me. I saw all the blood around him and my eyes went wide. He just started at me for a while his amber hues meeting with my emerald.

"Listener…" he whispered. As soon as he said that, my emotions flooded through me, my eyes began dripping tears and I dropped my dagger and ran to him, quickly tearing his arm away from his wound. I tore off his jester's shirt and with shaky hands I concentrated all my power and placed my hands on the wound and suddenly, a golden glow surrounded us. I closed my eyes to maintain the concentration, but I felt the wound close up beneath my fingers. A few moments later, the glow stopped and my healing spell disappeared. I breathed in steady breaths and I was relieved when I saw Cicero still staring at me in wonderment; very much alive. "Listener…" he whispered again, I smiled.

"Yes, I'm here Cicero…" I said, petting his head, letting some of the red strands go through my fingers. Then, something came over me, and I felt my mind get cloudy. My eyes became half-lidded and I saw myself remove my fingers from his hair and trail down his chest, feeling my cheeks burn and feel a unbearable warmth coming from my lower body. I began tracing his chest with my fingers and I felt him shudder.

"Listener…" he said with a slightly worried tone, "Listener, I don't think…" but I silenced him with my lips. I kissed him softly, taking a moment to breath in his glorious scent. Then I panicked, what was I doing?! I tried to stop but I was frozen, something else started taking over. I realized what was happening and struggled to get back control over my actions, but it was all for nought.

_You should stop struggling, I've been waiting for this for a while…and I won't allow you to ruin it, so just stay back and enjoy~ _the voice said to me. I was afraid but moaned as I suddenly parted Cicero's lips with my tongue and explored his own gradually. I heard him groan which only made me moan more, making me feel strangely warm and wet in my lower regions. I straddled him and let my fingers swirl around his exposed chest feeling his toned muscles under my touch. I bit his lip, earning another moan from him. My tongue dominated his mouth and explored each part of the wet cavern. I felt a slight bulge brush past my thigh and I smirked.

"_Getting aroused are we?~"_ I heard my voice say. I saw Cicero's eyes open quickly.

"You, you're not the Listener…" he said, slightly angered. I felt a smirk come to my lips.

"_That's where you're wrong I am Reza, I'm just another part of her…~" _the voice coming from me said, as I bucked my hips on his clothed arousal, causing him to grunt in response.

"No, the Listener is kind and lovely…" he responded weakly, trying not to give in to the marvelous feelings I was giving to him.

"_Oh? And I'm not?~" _the voice said pouting, bucking my hips again.

"Ahhh…" was his response.

"_That's what I thought…~" _I heard my voice say as I lowered myself to his neck and began to suck and nibble gently. He moaned each moment I pleasured him and I loved it. I saw myself tear away from him to undo my Dark Brotherhood armor, tossing it to the side. I then undid the underclothes that hid my breasts, exposing them to him. I looked into his eyes which now stared back at crimson ones. "_Touch me~_." I commanded, which he hesitantly did.

*0*

_Cicero's POV:_

Cicero didn't want to, he was afraid of what the _real_ Listener would say, but he couldn't control himself. When she exposed her wonderful lumps of flesh to me I couldn't help but be captivated by her beauty. When she told me to touch them I couldn't do anything but obey. I cupped her left breast with my hand and heard her moan from the contact. I began kneading her nipple between my fingers and she groaned from the pleasure. Cicero felt the region between his legs become harder, and though Cicero was enjoying this, he felt guilty. Cicero had secretly wanted to do this with the Listener for a long time. Cicero cares for her, and Cicero…I love the Listener, but I don't know if she feels the same way, but now with the Listener's form, but unknown mind wanting me like this…Cicero can't help but give in…

"_Cicero~" _the fake Listener moaned as I repeated the same actions on the other breast. She continued kissing Cicero's neck, then ventured lower, kissing my chest, then lower, and lower, and…

"Mmmmm…" I groaned feeling the fake Listener's lips kiss my clothed manhood. Cicero sees her smile devilishly and pulls down Cicero's pants along with his underclothes. I see her smiled appreciatively at my length and quickly grasp it, causing me to gasp in surprise. I hear her chuckle darkly as her tongue darts out and slowly and painfully goes from the base to the head and I shudder. A tease this one is…

*0*

_Reza's POV:_

What am I doing!? I've never done anything like this before! I want to stop, cower in a corner, yet the growing wetness between my legs wants me to continue, so I continue watching myself pleasure the silly jester. My mouth closes around his penis and I swirl my tongue around it as my head bobs up and down, I can hear him groan and it only eggs me on further. I suddenly feel his hands on my breasts and I moan in excitement. My moans vibrate along his manhood and he groans in arousal from the feeling. I used one hand to help me insert more of his length into my mouth as my other hand squeezes his testicles gently in my hand. I feel his breathing hitch and he squeezes my nipples harder, which makes my cry out in ecstasy. I allow my dagger like teeth to slightly scrape over his length and he cries out.

"S-stop, Cicero might burst any moment now!" he complains.

"_What? Want to come inside of me so badly fine~"_ my voice says as it tears the rest of my clothes off allowing me to be bare in front of him. I'm embarrassed on the inside, yet the thing in control shows no fear. "_Cicero, please then, I want you inside of me, fuck me. I want it rough, hard, against the wall~"_ and he obliges. I feel Cicero take my body and shove me into the wall of the Sanctuary and the forces takes my breath away. I look at our positions and it was like being back in the Falkreath Sanctuary when we first discovered I was the Listener. I felt myself grin maliciously and I bucked my hips toward his arousal and he grunted. "_What's stopping you? Fuck me!~" _the voice complains.

*o*

_Cicero POV:_

Cicero wants to so badly, but what would be the consequences for doing so? What would the real Listener think of me once all this was finished? Cicero wants nothing more than to ram himself into her and make her scream his name as he ravages her against the wall, but what of the real Listener? Would he hurt her if he did this? He couldn't do that to his Listener, he couldn't do that to her…

"Cicero?" I heard her say. I looked down at her and saw the familiar emerald eyes that I fell in love with. The same Listener that I had grown to love had returned, and I saw her face flush from embarrassment.

"L-Listener? I-is that you?" I asked. She nodded.

"Y-yes…"

"Listener, we don't have-"

"Do it." She commanded. I looked at her completely confused, feeling her wet and dripping entrance against my tip.

"But-" I tried to oppose.

"Please…" she whispered. So I obeyed I went into her slowly finding a barrier almost immediately and my eyes widened in realization.

"Listener…"

"Just do it!" she said, and I listened and continued, tearing what was her virginity and became her first. I slowly pulled in and out seeing blood slightly spill, but she yelled at me to continue and so I did…

*0*

_Reza's POV:_

"Fas…_ter!~" _I said, my momentary control fading as Cicero continued at a greater velocity. My hips met in rhythm with his as he continued to slam into me. I could hear the slapping of skin against skin as he continued to ram himself into me.

"_Yes…mmm…yeah…harder…deeper…faster~!" _the voice continued to say. I heard Cicero groan with each thrust and I moaned each time he hit my g-spot. I felt him reach his hand down between our meeting and began rubbing his thumb over my clit and I bit down on his neck in response, my dagger like teeth sinking into his wonderful skin, tasting his delicious and sweet blood.

"_Cic~…Cic~…_Cicero…" I said, gaining back some control.

*o*

_Cicero's POV:_

She felt so tight around Cicero's length and it just felt so amazing. When I heard her real voice I couldn't contain myself anymore. I felt her walls tighten around me and her warm juices spread all over my manhood. I took her face in my hands as I kissed her forcefully, running my tongue along her own as I had thrust once more and I felt my balls twist then it felt like an explosion as my seed shot out into her. I gave a few more hard thrusts, allowing myself to empty as I continued to kiss her, yet now more gently. Cicero slowly allowed my tongue to trail over her own and she responded similarly, wrapping her tongue with mine. She linked her arms around my neck and I realized she couldn't stand on her own. I lifted her gently and carefully laid her down on the stone floor, still inside her. Cicero finally pulled out of her and stopped kissing her after a few minutes. Cicero opened his eyes and looked at her and she gazed back at him and Cicero was glad to see her emerald eyes instead of crimson ones.

"Cicero…" Cicero said softly, "Cicero…is in love with the Listener…" Cicero then rested his head on the Listener's chest and drifted to sleep.

*o*

_Reza's POV:_

As I laid there, I thought about everything that had just transpired. I just had sex with Cicero, and he just told me he loved me. Love? Love? Is that what all this was? I looked at his handsome face that was now next to me, since he rolled over, and I questioned myself. Did I love him? I didn't know what to think…It all happened so fast. One minute I was crying, the next he was fucking me on the wall, and even though he stopped and I had gained control, I had wanted him to do it. I wanted him to continue, and I didn't know why I did. He made me feel so happy in the past and he was my…best friend…now we had done the most intimate act of all and I didn't know how to feel about it. He is in love with me and I…I am afraid, this, him and I…I can't…

I got up and put my clothes back on as silently as possible. I didn't know if this was a mistake or what, but I was too afraid to deal with what would happen when he woke up. I decided to leave I couldn't handle this. What have I done? When I was finished I looked back to see him, and I shouldn't have, seeing him lying there alone made my heart ache. I left. I got on Shadowmere and started heading back to the Sanctuary. My mind filled with confusion, hurt, and guilt.

**A/N: There you go, happy? Huh!? *blushes* This is actually my first lemon so don't make fun of me *blushes even harder***


	12. The Real Me

**A/N: finally updating **

"Arnbjorn is safe thanks to you." Astrid acknowledged as I walked past her; I attempted to make my way down the stairs, but the blonde Nord's voice made my body freeze. "What of the fool? Is he dead?" I remained silent, too petrified to reply; just mentioning the silly man made my heart convulse in unspeakable pain. "_Is Cicero dead?_" I heard her emphasize.

_Thump!_

My heart pounded in hurt and excitement from his name alone; the pain continuing its course through my body. No, Cicero was not dead, but very much alive because of me…and because of me…we…

"Yes." I dispassionately voiced, continuing my descent down the stairs and into the depths of the Sanctuary. I knew Astrid was staring at me, her grey eyes burning holes through my skin in suspicion, but I made sure that she would catch a glimpse of the sword at my side; covered in dry blood. Killing a bandit with it, I made sure that neither Astrid nor Arnbjorn could identify if it was truly Cicero's blood; Arnbjorn being a werewolf could be able to smell mere animal blood. In this way, I could keep Cicero safe…

Cicero…

I could feel my eyes water as I approached the bedrooms, turning to my bed. I let all my things collapse to the floor and changed into more comfortable clothing; trying to ignore the fact that my face was now drenched with tears, some of my golden locks sticking to my face. I winced with each movement; feeling slight pain coming from the bruises and soreness of the lower half of my body from when Cicero and I…

Cicero…

I sat on the bed and cradled my face within my hands. Gods, what have I done? I can't explain what is wrong with me! First some monster takes over my actions, now I have ruined the friendship of my most dearest friend. He loves me, he _loves_ me, and what do I feel? I don't know! It's so frustrating to feel this way! Confused and hurt, hurt from all the guilt of leaving him in the Dawnstar Sanctuary, confused by the pain in my chest. I don't know how to feel…I am afraid, yet I long for him and crave his touch. I want to pretend like it never happened, but when I close my eyes he floods my very vision. I want to hide, but cannot escape from these terrible yet wonderful feelings.

Cicero…

Sometimes, I wonder what life would still be like if I hadn't left home that evening. Would I have seen my brother Toray and my sister Sheilah again? Would I have continued living my nice and peaceful life, not this horrid and confusing one? Would I have experienced the pain that I suffered from now as I thought about my now abused friendship? The answer is that I do not know…but now doing what I did…I know that I have hurt my dear friend, leaving him in that dismal Sanctuary alone…I never wanted to hurt him, and now I wish that all this never happened…

*o*

"_You're such a whiner~" _the wicked voice called to me. My eyes shot open and before me was a dark room; the dark abysmal room's only source of light was a small spot in the room where a golden light shot through, leaving that spot untouched by the black around it. I was afraid, afraid of that terrible voice that had ruined my passive and serene lifestyle I once possessed. Though fear ran through me, I also felt anger, it was because of this _thing_ that my relationship with Cicero was in disarray and I needed, no, demanded to know why. So I silently walked to the light, my anger replacing my fear, and stood in it, revealing my location to the creature that inhibited my mind.

"Come out here!" I forcefully commanded the phantom-like being. The only reply I received was a deep and quiet chuckle which made the hairs on the back of my neck stand, but I will not back down and let fear take over. This is _my _body, and this _thing_ needs to go away! "I said: I want to see your godsdamned face!" I growled, looking into the void of the room, yet seeing nothing.

"_No need to get angry, we're not pretty when we're angry~" _the voice replied in my ear, my nerves shot up and I violently turned around to see myself standing there with me in the light. It was as if I was looking in the mirror, my long golden hair resided in style I usually have it in, my skin pale, but touched by the sun, yet what really disturbed me was the fact that the other me was smiling, and I no longer saw the demonic teeth or the crimson in my eyes. They were now exactly like my own, perfectly straight teeth and emerald green orbs that looked and smiled back into my own. I was frightened by the sight of myself, but I couldn't stop here, I needed answers.

"What are you? Why have you been ruining my life!?" I screeched in a hateful rage, stepping toward the figure of myself, and for a moment when the clone smiled I thought I saw a flash of sharp teeth.

"_Foolish girl, isn't the answer simple~?"_ it replied stepping forward and looking straight into my eyes, _"I'm you."_ The statement caught me off guard and I felt my skin pale from the sentence…it can't be…

"No!" I rejected, "I'm nothing like you, I don't like killing and I certainly wouldn't have had…"

"_But you did, didn't you~?" _my copy replied coyly, _"and from the way we both saw it, you quite enjoyed it~"_ I stayed silent, it was true, I couldn't deny that Cicero's and I's coupling wasn't pleasurable and ethereal, but it didn't mean I approved of it. My mother had always told me to wait until a person whom I truly loved came along, to not give in to the desires, but that was exactly what I had done, and now I didn't know whether I truly shared Cicero's feelings for me, and it was painful to even think about…

"Why couldn't you have just left me alone? All I ever wanted was to stay with my family…" I whispered quietly, looking down at my shoeless feet. I heard a growl come from the copy and I looked up and saw the crimson mask the emerald.

"_That's a lie, and we both know it!" _it snapped, its dagger-like teeth clenched together in anger; the bloody glare hatefully staring into my eyes. It approached even closer to me, and I took a step back defensively. _"Why? Why do you repress and deny how you truly feel!?" _it asked insanely, _"we hate our family!"_ the statement made me shake my head, it wasn't true.

"Stop it!" I shouted grabbing my head, "Stop it, it's not true, I loved my family!"

"_LIES!" _it seethed, _"Mother and father could have cared less about us!" _it replied, _"How they adored our brother and sister: Toray and Sheilah and left us out in the dust! Our brother and sister were worshipped by them, and even were allowed to study and learn magic, unlike us. Mother and father worked us to the bone, doing triple the work that our siblings had to do!" _

"No, that's not true!" I denied, cupping my face in my hands.

"_No? Remember! Stop repressing! We wanted to learn magic more than both of them combined did!" _it insisted, and I felt it grabbing my shoulders and shaking me while speaking, _"They would always complain about it, and even have the gall to skip out on their studies, saying it was boring, but how they didn't know how lucky they were. We wanted to learn more than anything, because it was exciting to us, but mother and father wouldn't allow it, even when we begged!"_

"No, no, NO!" I kept repeating, begging for her to stop.

"_Mother and father always ignored us, barely looking at us even when they spoke to us, they shunned us, believed we were useless, we were the hated child!"_

"Please, please no more!" I begged, tears streaming down my face.

"_Stop denying!"_ she implored, ceasing her shaking. I sobbed through my hands at the painful memories, I didn't want to believe it, but I knew it was true, every word. Over the years I had developed my own little world, shielding myself from the cruel reality of my life. I became so washed up in the dream world that I became blinded by it, accepting it as the real world in an attempt to block out the harshness of the truth. Why had they hated me? I always would ask myself before crying myself to sleep in the pile of hay outside the chicken coop that was my bed. I just wanted to pretend that my life wasn't horrible, that it was normal, so I could be happy.

"I just wanted to live a normal life…" I said silently. There was a pause and I felt the hands on my shoulders tighten slightly.

"_Another lie…" _it said plainly, _"you wanted an exciting life, beneath all the repression you wanted to feel the rush of endorphins and feel and see the world…and that's when you created me…"_ I froze at the comment and fear enveloped me, my hands dropped from my face and my eyes widened. It couldn't be…I ran. I took off into the darkness afraid of what was just said.

It couldn't be, it just couldn't be!

Suddenly another light appeared in front of me and my copy was standing in it, I froze in fear.

"_Don't you dare try to start denying again~!"_ it warned, but I quickly dodged around her and continued to run in the darkness. The light stared appearing everywhere I went, my copy speaking to me through the whole endeavor, her figure appearing in each light as I tried to escape her.

"_You wanted excitement, so you created me in your mind~"_ one said.

"_You wanted to be someone who didn't follow the rules mother and father set~"_ another spoke.

"_Someone who could finally give you that rush of excitement you desperately needed~" _another added.

I didn't want to believe it; I didn't want it to be true. I ran in the never-ending darkness that filled the room, desperately trying to escape the own confines of my subconscious. I was on the brink of insanity and I knew that a little push in the wrong direction would make me lose my mind. That's why I had built an immunity of it over the years, to escape the truth of who I was in an attempt to be someone better, someone who my parents could be proud to call their daughter. I encased the better me in a protective armor, preventing the real me from taking control, but now the armor was worn, and could shatter at any moment. When it shatters, my mind will be in utter chaos and I will lose myself in the maddening insanity. I can't allow myself to acknowledge the truth, or else all the precautions I took to prevent the destruction of my mind will fail and destroy me as my mind collapses. I can't allow it to happen. So I have to run, run and never stop!

I panted as I kept sprinting through the darkness, afraid of the truth that lay in the back of my subconscious, the voice that keeps saying it, but my ears blocking it out. Suddenly light appeared all around me, and I know there was no escaping it now. I collapsed to my knees and cradled my head in my shaking hands, hearing the footsteps approach me. I can't look, I can't look!

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no." I kept repeating as the figure grabbed my hair and forced me to look, but my eyes were shut, too afraid to open.

"_Open. Your. Eyes!"_ it demanded and though my will tried to stop it, its deterioration prevented me from yielding. My trembling eyes slowly opened and I saw crimson eyes glaring and razor teeth showing. The bloody eyes narrowed and the grip on my hair tightened, I winced. I couldn't believe that this was it, that the world I had tried so hard to build was now going to be destroyed.

"Please…" I pleaded one last time, "p-please, don't do this, _please_." Tears began to stream down my face and I saw the copy shake her head slowly; I braced myself.

"_I am the real you!" _it shouted, and I screamed as the truth flooded my mind, annihilating all that had once been there, leaving my mind mangled and shrouded in darkness.

**A/N: Drama bomb (no one ever reads these things why do I even try making authors notes?) Review or whatever…**


	13. A New Me

**A/N: Hello there, it's been a while hasn't it, no I didn't forget about you. How could I? I just needed…a little push? Enjoy the madness!**

I woke up. I was in my bed, but I felt…strange. I looked around the room, and immediately I knew something was different. I could see the details in the stony walls next to me, each crack and crevice in the strong stone. I could hear the small flicking of the candles in the room. I could feel each hair of the furs covering my body and feel the cold air on each pore on my face. I could smell the food coming from within the Sanctuary, each spice, each ingredient; oh, I love horker stew~. It was if all my senses were heightened and now had such a strong acuity. I sat up, and I realized it wasn't just my senses that were different. I felt…great! Fantastic actually, I felt no pain or soreness, so calm and relaxed. The kinks in my back had magically disappeared and I noticed the bruises that I had once had were missing from my skin. In fact, I felt like a whole new person! I felt myself smile widely.

A grumble from my stomach told me I was hungry, and what better way to satisfy my hunger then horker stew? I dressed and began my descent to the dining area, hearing that sorry excuse for a leader Astrid speaking to the other members.

"We are supposed to find her a way to get in without being suspicious or detected," her annoying voice clamored, "but the whole damn Penitus Oculatus has the whole city crawling with their soldiers…" As I continued to make my way to the dining area, I heard Festus grumble a bit, while the others fussed in their chairs.

"Well, she could pose as a maid or an agent." Nazir offered, but was only answered with a scoff from Festus, to which at this point I entered the room, descending down the stone stairs, avoiding a large crack, leaning back against a wall, crossing my arms.

"Please, no one is allowed to enter without a Writ of Passage and the only person left with said Writ is the Gourmet himself!" Festus objected, gaining a glare from the Redguard. The two went on to argue, it wasn't till a few bangs on the table caused that pathetic woman Astrid to step in.

"Brothers, enough of this foolery!" she shouted trying to gain back their attention, yet was unsuccessful in doing so. Her pathetic attempts to stop them made me chuckle. My subtle laugh was soft, but then increased in volume until my laughter couldn't be contained! The laughter became hysteric, somewhat maniacal! I couldn't stop laughing, for, the answer was so simple! These fools couldn't see past the facts, the solution was right in front of them.

"Do you have something to say sister!?" Astrid growled angrily at me, her eyes burning in disgust and fury. I noticed that the other members of the Family were staring at me in surprise as well; shocked at my sudden malicious outburst. My laughter died in an instant; replaced with a dispassionate expression. The sudden change in attitude took the other members off guard; I could tell from the flash of curious cautiousness that was in their own eyes. I couldn't suppress a smirk. I uncrossed my arms and slowly approached the table, the others expressions still the same.

"Careful," I warned playfully, "your faces may freeze like that." Their dumbfounded faces unfroze and an awkward silence began to hang in the room as I continued toward the table. I stared at Astrid intently, and smirked when I saw a flash of uneasiness come through her eyes. Good, she won't be bossing me around for much longer… "And yes, I do have something to say." I said smugly. I faked a depressed sigh, "I'm so tired of all this nonsense," I confessed using my thumb to pick at my nails my other hand on the table, pretending to be bored, "all this problematic talk, yet none of you can see the solution!" I sighed histrionically. I looked to everyone's surprised faces; even the unfazed Babette gave away a hint of confusion in her childish face. I glanced over at Astrid who seemed to not be taking my sudden change in attitude well. I could tell she was holding back a lot, my now heightened senses picking up the slight change in her breathing pattern; it would seem as though she was angry; how…entertaining~. A low giggle emanated from my throat; apparently setting her off.

"And _what_ exactly do _you_ have in mind!?" she rudely spat, causing everyone to stare at her; astonished by her sudden outburst. Usually Astrid was quite calm, yet now the roles were reversed, and I was the composed and collected one, and she the unstable, emotional wreck! What irony! I grinned rather smugly and suddenly sat down abruptly.

"It's simple," I said dramatically, looking at the other members of the Family, my hands placed on the table, "We kill the Gourmet!" Everyone in the room gasped wildly, giving each other confused glances.

"One does not simply kill the Gourmet." Babette informed, her fingers curled into a circle. Everyone seemed to be satisfied with her input, their indistinct chatter, clamoring in the room.

"She's right you know." The deep voiced Redguard rumbled. I rolled my eyes.

"Really? I thought we were assassins, not dim-witted milk-drinkers, are we not trained for this kind of thing?" I argued; amused by the strange people around me who were suddenly out of character. Gabriella sighed and put a hand on her head.

"You don't understand, nobody knows who the Gourmet even is, let alone his location." Gabriella said seriously, yet I could tell this whole conversation had sent her and everyone else in an anxious mood. I linked my fingers together and placed them under my chin, leaning on them as I listened intently…Get it? _Listened_? The _Listener Listening_? Haha! I needed to write that down on a roll of paper!

"So, you're telling me that you have no leads whatsoever…none of you?" I probed the others. They stayed silent for a moment, as if conflicted about who they should relay information to, me or Astrid, and Festus quickly settled the argument.

"I…uh, have been working on some leads…" the old curmudgeon began, looking at me. I did a quick glance toward Astrid, pleased to see an eye twitch.

"Yes?" I ushered the wizard. He seemed to gain more confidence through the conversation.

"Well," he continued, "in my, uh, "investigations", I came upon this." He walked away from the table and went over to the bookshelf, looking intently at the bines before reaching in and pulling out a book. He silently walked back and all eyes were focused on him. He brought the book to the table and placed it carefully on the wooden top, opening the front cover. "It's a copy of the Gourmet's cookbook, but not just any copy," he said, turning the book and sliding the book across the table to me, "it's signed you see." He finished. And I did see; it was a message that, in rather sloppy handwriting, wrote:

"To a great friend and cooking companion, Anton Virane." I said out loud, observing the Gourmet's signature; it was just as sloppy as the rest of it. "What do we know of this Anton Virane?"

"I can answer that." Veezara interrupted, "He works at the Keep in Markarth, I encountered him during my last contact there; he's the cook."

"I never would have guessed!" I chuckled.

"Anton Virane could definitely identify who the Gourmet is!" Babette chimed, giving me a toothy grin.

"And give us a location of his whereabouts." Nazir added. I couldn't help but smile.

"You see?" I began, "All we needed to do was think a little harder! Now," I continued, standing up, "I shall go to Markarth and see this Anton Virane, he'll give us the identity of the Gourmet, even if I have to milk it out of him…hehehe, get it? Milk? Because he's a chef?" I started to laugh again, yet this time, slowly but surely, the others began to laugh with me. I turned back to see Astrid distraught over what was happening, seeing the others this way, and I knew exactly what she was thinking.

_Yes Astrid, perhaps their loyalties are starting to lie within someone else,_ I thought to myself while skillfully grabbing a bowl of horker stew to go, _and that someone is me~_

I took a spoonful of the stew and opened my mouth, dagger-like teeth clasping around the utensil; it was warm and my taste buds were filled with pleasure from each spice. I grinned wildly; knowing that my eyes were glowing crimson.

This was only the beginning~

**A/N: As you can tell, I'm not good at telling jokes! But I do know my memes. XD**


	14. Utter Darkness

**A/N: IT'S MY BIRTHDAY! Or it was a couple days ago, so here's a birthday chapter from me, though you should be getting things for me…everyone should…whatever just read**

It's dark. A black, abysmal pit in my vision, or are my eyes even open at all? There's a phantom ringing in my ears, and I feel so…empty. It's like I'm in suspension, floating in midair. I'm not moving up or down, I'm ever so still. _How long have I been like this?_ I wonder. Strands of confused thoughts lace through my mind as minutes, perhaps hours pass by. The nothingness around me plagues me, yet I feel no motivation to do anything. As my mind wanders, my thoughts are cut, interrupted by the same nothingness that surrounds me. My frustration increases as I try to re-grasp slight thoughts in my mind, images, are they memories? I see flashes of red, black, gold—they seem so familiar, why are they important again? It's so close, I know why! It's—Damn it! Just like that, it slips away, as if something doesn't want me to find the answer.

But why?

Suddenly a feel a rush of cold overcome me in the darkness, and even though I can't see anything I feel a strange presence within the darkness, all around me.

"_My dear troubled child, how have you come to such a place?"_ an eerie, yet strangely familiar and comforting voice resounded in the darkness. I wanted to respond yet I felt as though I could not, as if some force was preventing me to do so, and even though I tried to push the words out the force became greater, preventing me from doing so, so I direfully gave up, and remained silent. _"Dear child, Listener, speak to your Mother!"_ the voice commanded, the tone so powerful and enchanting. The force around me lightened, and I felt slightly free. The voice was powerful enough to keep the force at bay, yet I still felt it linger around my being in the darkness; this darkness that terrified me.

"M-mother?" I squeaked like a frightened child that just had a nightmare, if I wasn't in one already.

"_Yes child, do not fear, speak."_ The voice continued, comforting me. I realized at that moment that it was the Night Mother speaking to me in the terrifying darkness; the one that lessened the force on me, letting me feel safety in this menacing darkness.

"Mother!" I exclaimed, not hearing her words since she informed me to speak to Amaund Mottierre. "Mother, where am I?"

"_Foolish child, poor child, can you not recognize the depths of you own mind?"_ I heard her cryptic voice question me through the darkness. If I could move I would have looked around, but I imagined it would all look the same, just a black pit of despair. In that moment, my string of thoughts came together and I remembered exactly how I ended up here; the real memories, the real feelings, the _real_ me. Disappointment filled my soul and despair overwhelmed me. I became ashamed of what I had done and how I did something as foolish as encase the real me in some sort of cage. How could I believe that this faux, better me would last? How idiotic was that? No matter what kind or how well one can make their façade, their true self will eventually come out, destroying things that you care about in the process. And the longer you have the façade, the greater damage risk, and I surely had risked it all. Throughout the entire span of my life I had been forming this façade and now my entire life was destroyed.

"Mother I…I am not who you think I am…" I told her sadly, shame lacing my words.

"_Again you are foolish; you are the Listener, my child of darkness."_ She responded in a motherly tone.

"No! I'm not, at least, not the real one…" I commented sadly, knowing how dissatisfied she must have felt with me.

"_Child how blind you are to your own self…"_ she replied to me dissatisfaction not evident in her voice. I was confused.

"Night Mother, I don't understand, what do you mean by that?"

"_That is something I cannot tell you child, but something you need to find out on your own. For now, you must find a way to escape the confines of your subconscious."_ She responded, filling my head with even more confusion. Not only that, but what she was asking for was impossible. Escape? How could I?

"There's no point." I said out loud. "I'm not even real, I'm just a pretend person, a fake me. How can something that's not real escape?" I asked the Night Mother, hoping for a helpful and wise response.

"_Again my child, I cannot give you an answer that only you know."_ She said, no wise words helping me in my confused state.

"That's the thing Night Mother, I don't know, I wouldn't even know where to start." I said dejectedly. I suddenly became angry, why had she chosen me in the first place, when she knew that my façade just wanted to live a normal life? "Why did you choose me?!" I questioned angrily. "Why did you make me Listener? When I had no background in killing or even wishing to? I know that the real me wanted excitement, but killing? How could you just wistfully deduce that I wanted to kill people? Take me away from my home and family, despite how I truly feel about them? Why did you choose me?!"

It became silent after that for a while, but her presence didn't go away, and I frustratingly awaited her answer. I then felt a massive presence right next to me, and I knew that the Night Mother was right next to me.

"_My Listener, you were chosen because I saw your strength. All your life I have watched you as I watch every child in Tamriel, hoping to find those worthy of becoming my children. I watched as you grew and noticed that you had strength within, strength that you still don't seem to notice. You are strong and disciplined, qualities only few in this profession have. Not only is that, but the amount of respect you are able to give astonishing, respect I haven't seen in years. You were the one, and thus, became the Listener."_ She said in her powerful voice. Then I felt a strange sensation, a warm and comforting sensation. I realized that I was being hugged by her presence, and even in the dark I felt as if I saw a glimmer of light. I couldn't breathe, I was so overwhelmed. This was the first time I had ever been hugged before. The first time I had ever felt motherly love. My parents had never held me or gave me any significance of love. And in this warm comfort and embrace I felt so happy, because I had never known how strong I truly was until now. I had been doing everything that everyone had wanted me to do because I wanted their love back, I didn't question anyone in order to make them happy, but they never gave me love! I didn't think that I had such strength, but I guess I was loved this whole time. I did have a mother: the Night Mother. And now I was going to find a way out of this place, with my strength, no matter what.

"Thank you, Night Mother." I said thankfully.

"_Hail Sithis!"_ she responded, and then she was gone and her warm presence was nowhere in the darkness and I felt the negative force start to come around me, but I was determined not to let it overcome me.

"Leave me alone." I demanded seriously, my voice now filled with a power I'd never heard before. I felt the dark force quake and then dissolve away, leaving me alone in the darkness, the darkness no longer terrifying. I was getting out of here, I didn't care who was real or not real, I was getting out, no matter what.

**A/N: Review!**


	15. Stirring Up Trouble

**A/N: School started up again…*sigh* well, here's a chapter to celebrate nothing but my disappointment. **

It had taken me a week and four days to get here, but I finally entered the ancient dwarven city of Markarth. The magnificent scenery did little for my interest; I was more interested in Anton Virane, the man who would give me the secret identity of the Gourmet, even if I had to put him on his own menu! I chuckled darkly and began to make my way to Understone Keep, the place where Virane resided. Night covered the old city as I made my way up the antediluvian stone steps, my skin itching under the dress I wore. Oh yes, can't have people screaming now can we? My Dark Brotherhood attire would cause anyone to flee, is it not so? So, the little Listener put on a disguise, a stunning blue dress with gold trim that was low cut, and clung to my skin, accentuating my luscious curves. Despite its loveliness, the dress was slightly annoying, I'd rather have my comfortable shrouded armor than this flimsy attire; although, I could get away with a lot in this dress. I smirked, my blood red eyes gazing at the colossal bronze doors before opening them quietly, slipping inside. I walked forward a few steps into the rocky palace, but was put to a halt by a burly guard.

"Stop!" he said firmly, to which I stopped in my tracks, frowning slightly. "It is after hours, the Jarl is asleep, surely you would find a more appropriate time to speak with him tomorrow." He continued his deep and gruff voice muffled slightly by the helmet.

"I'm not here for the Jarl." I said in an innocent voice, putting on my best act.

"Oh?" he responded, "Then what _are_ you here for?" I smiled softly and approached him, my hips swaying sensuously. When I was about a dagger length away from him I stopped, looking up into his helmet with half-lidded eyes.

"It's my first time here in Markarth." I lied quietly, my voice laced with passion. "I wanted to have a look around, so I spent all the hours of the day sightseeing the spectacular architecture of this city, but it got dark, and this is my last place to visit. Could I just have a little look around?" I said, taking another step toward him, placing a hand on his armor. "I promise I won't touch anything." I heard him gulp, and I grinned, I had him around my little finger.

"I…uh, well…" he began, his words stumbling from nervousness. I whimpered and let one of my fingers trace circles around his armor.

"Please?" I whined playfully, even under all that armor, I knew he was blushing.

"I…I…sure…" he finally said after a moment. I thanked him graciously, walking a little ahead before turning my stunning figure around to blow a flirtatious kiss at the foolish guard.

The kitchen in the keep was not difficult to find, as soon as I ascended the steps leading to the upper portion of the keep, a divine scent gently went through my nasal passages, intricate spices pleasing my senses. Obviously, Virane was responsible for such a delectable scent. I looked to my left as I reached the top of the steps, seeing a light come from a room, which I quickly deduced was the kitchen. Approaching it, I gently poked my head through the door-less frame seeing a Breton man of about thirty stirring a concoction in large black pot, the enticing scent undoubtedly coming from it. He was wearing common chef attire, white apron and hat to match. His dark hair slick with sweat from the heat that came from the roaring fire in front of him, the gray stones of the fireplace blackened slightly from the smoke of past meals. I watched him silently as he began adding other ingredients to the mixture, intensifying the ethereal scent. He stirred for a moment before stepping away, placing the stirring ladle on an empty plate. He wiped his brow with his arm, taking away the sweat that had been protruding there.

"One day," he said, "one day all of Skyrim will know of my magnificent dishes. They will know the name—"

"Anton Virane." I finished coolly, stepping inside and leaning against the stone walls. Frightened, he turned to face me, his eyes wandering up my figure.

"Who are you? What do you want?" he questioned cautiously, taking a nervous step back. I smiled back at him and slowly made my way up to him, backing him up into the wall. I stared wildly into his plain brown eyes, my hand reaching out to rest on his chest. I saw confusion and nervousness in his eyes as I leaned closer to his face.

"Why, Anton," I whispered against his lips, "I came for you." I violently clashed my lips onto his, darting my tongue out to lick his bottom lip forcefully. A small gasp came from him and I used it as an opportunity to plunge my slick tongue into his wet mouth. My hand went to the back of his neck as I leaned him in further into the kiss, moaning loudly as my tongue wrapped around his. My other hand scrunched the apron on his chest as I pushed him further into the wall. He shyly began to kiss back, but my domineering tongue enslaved his own wet appendage. I knocked off his ridiculous chef's hat and allowed my hand to slither through his sweat ridden locks, fastening them between my fingers. I felt an extreme heat come from him, and I knew that this time it wasn't the kitchen. My tongue entangled with his, licking and sucking on his short tongue. I noticed a slight pressure on my thigh and realized he was becoming incredibly aroused. I smirked against his lips. After another moment, I released us from our kiss, a string of moist saliva connecting our lips, which I seductively lapped up. "The Gourmet," I asked as my mouth descended on his neck, nipping and sucking passionately, "who is he?"

"The Gourmet?" he asked shakily, but then moaned as I nibbled on his earlobe, licking the rim of his ear. I continued to bite his neck, licking the slight wounds that my razor sharp teeth left. He was trembling and shuddering around me and I couldn't help but feel pleased with how I could make him bend to my will.

"Yes," I responded leaving wet kisses all around his jawline, "who is he?" I bucked my hips forward onto his clothed member and he grunted in response to the friction; I was going to get an answer. I heard him take a shaky intake of breath before responding,

"Balagog gro-Nolob," he hissed as I bit the nape of his neck, "he's an orc, the Gourmet's an orc!" My hand released his hair and ventured lower between his legs, feeling the bulge in his pants. He sighed hotly as I began to rub his covered erection slowly.

"And where would Mr. Gro-Nolob be staying at?" I asked huskily, licking from the nape of his neck to the bottom of his ear.

"At the Nightingale Inn…" he drawled out breathlessly. I chuckled darkly.

"Good boy." I praised before bringing my lips to his again, allowing him to desperately grind against me, his final moments should be pleasurable. In the midst of the heat I brought forth my deadric dagger which had been strapped to my thigh and up to his pale neck. I quickly and roughly dragged the dagger's spiny edge across his throat, the cut deep and lethal. Blood spurted onto my body as his cried of agony were muffled by our deadly kiss, my mouth tasting the coppery tang of blood as he coughed it up into my mouth. I removed my lips from his as his body went limp, slinking down to the floor as blood cascaded from my mouth and body. I gradually licked up the blood that drenched my hands and blade a bloody grin forming as I watched him writhe helplessly against the wall. He made gurgling sounds as his blood poured from his neck and mouth. His laborious breaths became shallow and violent as I saw his life force draining from his plain brown eyes.

"And I said to the baker, you're not dead, you're a faker!" I giggled maliciously, leaning down to him to allow my burning crimson orbs to stare into his own petrified eyes. I smiled widely, allowing my bloody and dagger-like teeth to show. "But if that's your wish," I whispered menacingly, "I'll oblige." I then had thrust the dagger deeply into his chest, a quiet grunt escaping from his as I did so; blood spurting forth and dripping from the wound. He stared in horror at me until he couldn't anymore, his body becoming lifeless, wilting like a dying flower. I roughly removed the dagger from his chest, returning it to the sheath on my thigh. I licked around my lips slowly savoring the taste of his sweet blood. There was nothing more satisfying than tasting the blood of your targets, and Virane, by far, had been the best. I looked down at my dress, noticing that it had been caked in blood. I frowned slightly, I had really liked the dress, but it served its purpose. I know who you are Mr. Gourmet, and where to find you. You better be careful because I'm stirring up trouble. Haha! _Stirring_!? As in something a cook does!? These cooking jokes just _fire_ me up! I'm just _spicing_ things up a bit! Haha! Ah, I just love a good joke…

*0*

I need to get out of here, out of this wretched darkness, out of the silence that slowly plagues me. The dark force is no longer around me, yet I still faintly feel its presence, as if it's watching me. I am still thinking about what the Night Mother told me, but it doesn't make any sense at all. How do _I_ know the way out when I specifically _do not_ know? I sighed, taking in deep, relaxing breaths. I wanted to get out so badly, but how? How could I even hope to escape, when the only thing I can see is darkness? If only there was just some light!

Then I saw it.

I saw a thin white line of light appear just ahead of me, the light illuminating a small path. I finally, after a long time, saw my own two feet, shoeless, but feet nonetheless. I was overwhelmed by the sudden sensations as I no longer felt afloat a plane-less space, but grounded down. I took a cautious step forward, watching as my illuminated feet walked each step at a time, toward the light. After a moment, I finally got to the light, my feet right next to it. Looking down at the light, I was quite puzzled by the strange illumination, what was it? Where had it come from? On instinct I reached out, my hand hitting a solid object; I slid my hand down it, feeling another solid mass protrude out from it, a handle! The answer came rushing to me: a door! I grasped the handle, turning it, and gently pushing on the door, allowing light to fill my pupils, almost blinding me. As my vision adjusted, I gasped as I saw a white room, but I didn't gasp because of that, I gasped because in the middle of the room sat a young woman in a white chair, reading a white book, and that woman…was me.

She looked up from her book with a dispassionate expression, but it changed into a small surprised one as her eyes fell upon me. My blood ran cold as she stared at me; it was her! I started to panic and my breathing quickened in pace. Why was she here!? Why!?

"I can't believe you're here." I heard her say, but it was a voice that I had not been expecting, but I didn't let my guard down.

"W-why are _you_ here?" I stuttered harshly, she looked at me with a puzzled face, but apparently my tone gave away the answer to an unasked question.

"Oh, you must believe that I am the real you, well you are quite mistaken." She said to me, closing her book and placing it on the ground, "But I am quite pleased that you have come here. I didn't understand.

"What?" I asked, completely lost in what was happening. She beckoned me to come inside, but I stood firm, suspicious of what she might do.

"You want an explanation, do you not? Please come inside, there is no need to fear me, I truthfully am on your side, just let me give you an explanation." I was still reluctant, but figured I had no choice, I let go of the door's handle, letting it close behind me as I stepped inside the small white room. I stopped a few feet away from her, still uncomfortable with this new situation. "Allow me to introduce myself," she continued, slightly bowing, "I am your Ego, one of the three psychic apparatuses of your psyche."

"So, you're not some other personality that's going to go crazy and start mangling my mind further right?" I asked seriously, trying to clear up any further misunderstandings.

"Yes, the only reason why I look like you is because your subconscious has made it so, _you_ have made it so, I am just a physical representation of your ego, I don't actually exist, the same way you don't exist."

I scowled, angry at the fact that she said I wasn't real, just a physical representation. "Just because I am a façade, doesn't mean I don't exist. I _did_ exist, and I still do, I just have to find a way back out." She blinked at me and then smiled.

"I admire your confidence, it is wise to believe in yourself, it prevents _her_ from keeping you here in your mind, don't lose sight of yourself." She said.

"_Her?_ Do you mean—"

"Yes, the _real_ you," she answered, looking up into the white ceiling, "_she_, like you, has trapped me in this room, preventing me from coming out."

"But why?"

"_She_ keeps me here so that I can no longer control the two other apparatuses of your psyche: your Superego and Id."

"Contol? Why would they need control?"

"You see, your Id is your wants and desires, seeking to immediately fill them no matter the cost. When your Id wants something, it takes it, but your Superego is entirely different. You see, your Superego opposes your Id's wants and desires, wanting to do the right thing no matter what, striving for social appropriate manners. My job as your Ego is to meditate between the two opposing forces, allowing you to fulfill your desire in an appropriate manner, but with me being trapped in here; both Id and Superego are erratic, causing discourse within your mind." She finished, sitting back down in her white chair. I looked around the empty room, confused by her words; my eyes fell on the door behind me.

"So why don't you just escape? I mean, I came here through the door." I stated stupidly.

"Though that may be true, _she_ still holds me here. You are the only one who can escape, but until _she_ let's go of me, I cannot resume my role in keeping balance to your mind." I sighed after she finished.

"So you don't have any idea how I may be able to escape?" I asked hopefully, wishing that for once something useful would be told to me. She put a finger on her lips in thought, but then sadly shook her head, and I groaned; figures. I put my head in my hands. "Is this really my life right now? A bunch of unanswered questions and direful situations?" I commented dolefully. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder and removed my hands from my face to see my Ego stare at me with no emotion.

"Sometimes," she said, "people need to accept their harsh realities in order to move on." I found her words strangely comforting, gaining courage from them. "If I were you," she continued, "I would speak to your Id and Superego, it may be possible that they know how to free you from your subconscious." I nodded, and decided that I had heard enough. Knowing what I was thinking, she led me to the door and opened it, the menacing darkness looking at me on the other side of the door frame. I looked to her and smiled sincerely.

"I promise that I'll set you free." I said, watching a small smile form on her face. I looked back into the white room once more before walking out, the door shutting slowly behind me until all the light disappeared from my view, and I was back into the malevolent darkness.

**A/N: Reviews are always nice, they make me feel warm 'n stuff :3**

**Do it**

**Review it**

**NOW**

**I COMMAND YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU**


End file.
